Vinia sat beside Prince Ion as he slept, holding his hand. His hair was blond, and so were his eyes when open, in contrast to her dull brown eyes. He was a year younger than she, but a bit larger in body. She loved him, but that was only part of it. She needed to be close to him, because she was hyperallergic, and his ambiance abolished all allergens, so she could, literally, breathe freely only in his presence. Connecting with him had opened much of the cosmos to her, literally. He was a prince and a Magician, while she was nothing, but he loved and valued her. They were perfect for each other and had known it from the first moment they interacted, two years before.
Vinia smiled reminiscently. They had met, and she had learned that he was disabled. There had been an accident that crushed his legs, and he had not been able to use healing elixir to fix them because he was immune to all elixirs, good and bad. But she knew she could fix that, in her fashion, because of her telekinesis. She had put her hands on him and lifted him up, using her magic to make his legs support him. Then she had realized that in her excitement she had committed a social breach, touching a prince when she herself was the commonest of commoners, and tried to apologize. But he, pleased with the ability to stand that she brought him, had kissed her to shut her up. Then he started to demur, feeling that she would not want to associate with someone who couldn’t walk, until she kissed him back to shut him up. Then they had gazed into each other’s eyes, and kissed a third time, mutually impelled—and a little heart had flown up. They were only nine and ten at the time, but the hearts always knew: they were for each other. The others with them had seen the heart and accepted its message. They had been happily together ever since. His family accepted her, especially his sister, Hilda, a princess and Sorceress in her own right, because she truly loved her brother and wanted him to be happy, and Vinia’s presence had lifted a burden from her.
But Vinia had a problem. She and Ion formed a tightly knit quartet with Hilda and her boyfriend, Benny. Benny was one of the Animalia, a human/Caprine crossbreed. Benny had known of Vinia, who had visited the planet Animalia as a tourist and stayed because she loved the human/Equine folk, loving horses though she could not get out to ride one because of the allergies. He had brought Ion and Hilda to meet Vinia, and there followed what followed. That was why Vinia liked Benny. He was pleasant and personable and helpful, but it was that giant favor he had done her that won her unending gratitude. Now she had a life!
She looked again at Ion. In perhaps seven years the two of them would be of age, and probably he would marry her, and she would become a princess. But that wasn’t what brought her the main joy. It was that he truly needed her, as she needed him; they were a perfect complementary couple. To need and be needed, that was the essence. All else was secondary.
But that was also the problem. Hilda had sewn Benny a thinking cap. That was her talent as a Sorceress; she could sew things with marvelous magic. She had made Ion a little magic carpet, which he had used to travel everywhere. If Hilda sewed a woman a kitchen apron, that person became a phenomenal cook. If she sewed a party dress, the girl who wore it became so sexy as to freak out any man in range.
Benny had tried out the thinking cap, of course. And come privately to Vinia. “My first idea: Hilda could sew Ion a pair of walking socks,” he said. “Like walking boots, only these would fit under the boots. They should enable him to walk on his own.”
Vinia felt a nasty chill. With such socks, Ion would no longer need her!
“I see you understand,” he said. “I haven’t mentioned this idea to anyone. I needed to talk to you first.”
“Yes. Thank you,” she responded, stricken. “Please, I need some time to think about it.”
“I will not mention it to anyone else. It is your decision.” For Benny was the soul of discretion, and he never betrayed his friends.
Now Vinia was thinking about it. She wanted what was best for Ion, of course, but this might make him better off without her. That could destroy her. If the idea had occurred two years ago, before she had fallen totally in love with him, maybe she could have survived it, but now she knew that without Ion she would not want to live. Her choice was stark: tell him, and lose him and herself, or be silent, carrying the guilt of her secret. It was overwhelming.
Ion woke. “Vinia!” he exclaimed. “You’re crying. Did I do something to hurt you?”
“Oh no, no, Ion,” she said immediately. “You are blameless.”
“I had an awful dream that I lost you. Oh, Vin, I couldn’t stand that. I couldn’t be happy without you.”
She had to tell him. “Hilda could sew you a pair of walking socks, so you could walk on your own. Then you wouldn’t need me anymore.”
He gazed at her half a moment. “Oh, Vin, put your dear mind at rest. We thought of that long ago and tried it. But the socks had wills of their own, going where they wanted to go regardless what I wanted, and sometimes they tripped, dumping me. We knew early on it was no go.” He took a breath. “But more important, do you think I need you only for your telekinesis? I love you! You support me so much more than physically. If I could walk on my own, I would still want to walk with you. The only way we’ll ever separate is if you tire of me.”
“Oh, no, never!”
“So Hilda sewed me the flying carpet. She had a better template for that, and it was more responsive to my will, and I was quite satisfied with it, until you came on the scene. The socks were more ad hoc, and unruly.” He looked at her sharply. “Did you really think that I would dump you if I found a better way to walk?”
Vinia had thought that. She should have known better. Ion was way finer than that. She had judged him unfairly. “I’m so ashamed,” she sobbed.
“Yet you told me anyway.”
“I had to.” Her shame was forming a little cloud around her.
Ion nodded. “Come here,” he said, reaching for her.
She joined him, lying on the bed, and cried into his shoulder while he held her close. Gradually she subsided into sleep. Her last thought was how adults seemed to think that children lacked real emotions, such as love. How wrong they were!
In the morning Vinia woke to Ion’s kiss. “I will explain to Benny,” he said. “Then we need discuss this no further.” Because he was sparing her the embarrassment of her confusion.
They talked with Benny and Hilda. Benny looked like a young human man, but he was only one-third human, two-thirds Caprine, and could change to goat form when he chose. He was adult, but this required some interpretation, because while a human person was considered adult at age eighteen, a goat was adult at age three. Each Caprine year was equivalent to about six human years, at least in youth. Thereafter the ratio diminished, further complicating the comparison. Since he was a crossbreed, his age was a matter of opinion. He looked twenty-four, but chronologically he was six. Crossbreed math was recognized, so he was accepted as adult, but he had existed only a bit more than half as long as Hilda. The others understood this and were mum about it, as there was no point in confusing strangers, and there were times when his being recognized as adult was useful.
All the Animalia were considered animals, without the rights of humans, and all desired to achieve those rights by breeding children who would be more than half human, and thus recognized as human. Benny had been assigned to accompany Hilda on planet Animalia, to assist her in any way she needed, but also perhaps to persuade her to remain there and breed with him when she came of age. Any children of theirs would be two-thirds human. So he was highly personable, handsome as a man, with a white stripe on his brown hair that lent it character. Vinia had once seen a picture of Benny’s ancestors, and one was a Toggenburg goat with a similar stripe. He had a neat goatee.
What, then, of his being constantly close to Hilda? Here again his Animalian training and discipline counted. He had the physical capabilities of an adult man, but Benny never treated Hilda with anything but absolute respect. The only time when she was annoyed with him was when she wanted to know what was on the other side of the dread Adult Conspiracy to Keep Interesting Things from Children. He knew but declined to tell her. Her folks knew he honored the Conspiracy, which was why they trusted him.
“So you see,” Ion concluded, “your thinking cap is as yet new, and not all its ideas are fully informed. This one was not apt, but the next one may be. We do appreciate your courtesy in telling Vinia privately, so that she could think it through and make her own decision. She decided to tell me.” He did not mention the rest of it.
“I see that now,” Benny said. “Thank you for clarifying it.”
“There is no need to discuss the matter any further,” Ion said. That was code for keep your mouth shut, and Benny would honor it. There was a fair amount of silence in their tightly knit quartet.
“Do we have any other business?” Hilda inquired. This was her way of suggesting that they change the subject.
“If I may,” Vinia said tentatively.
“Of course you may,” Hilda said. “You’re our dearest girl. Out with it.”
“I have long been curious how your parents met. They seem so happy with each other, with never a hesitation or quarrel. Is there some secret there for the rest of us, when our time comes?”
Hilda smiled. “Hardly. It was sheer complicated chance that brought them together, and even when they were together, they didn’t know they were destined for each other, even though they were betrothed as infants.”
“How could that be?” Vinia asked in genuine wonder.
“It’s a long story. The essence is that they ran afoul of forget whorls left over when the big forget spell on the Gap Chasm dissipated and forgot. Our father, Hilarion, set out looking for his betrothed, but forgot his age and her name, so he seemed to be a generation younger than she and did not recognize her. Ida, our mother, meanwhile set out to see the Good Magician Humfrey. On the way there she got lost, and at one point was captured by a dragon and frozen in a crystal along with half a dozen other princesses. She was rescued by chance and continued her excursion. Then she traveled to Castle Roogna and met her sister, Princess Ivy, only then discovering that she herself was a princess. Then the little moon Ptero came to orbit her head, representing her Sorceress-level talent of the Idea. All the ideas and all the people who had ever existed or might have existed in Xanth were to be found on Ptero and its moons and could be met if a person arranged to adapt and visit. Ida met Prince Hilarion and liked the young man. Then they discovered that he was her age and her betrothed. They kissed and that was it. They have been happy together ever since.”
Vinia was perplexed. “I thought that in Xanth men had sons and women had daughters, as indicated by the first letter of their names. Shouldn’t you, Hilda, begin with an I for Ida, and Ion begin with an H for Hilarion?”
Ion laughed. “We guess that this was a trace effect of their original confusion. Somehow the names got mixed up, and it can’t be changed. We’re satisfied, regardless. Or maybe I am my mother’s son, and Hilda is her father’s daughter. It seems it can happen, even in Xanth.”
“Or at least in our adjacent Kingdom of Adamant,” Hilda said.
“Weird,” Vinia said, laughing.
“But it still leaves us bored with palace life, with the obsequious servants and set routines that keep us constantly on show as useless royalty,” Hilda said. “I miss the kind of adventures we had two years ago, when we got loose on our own. I wish we had a pretext to get out and go on a Quest or something.”
Benny put on his thinking cap. A light bulb flashed over his head. “I have an idea,” he announced.
Hilda fondly touched his hand. “As if that wasn’t brightly evident. What is it?”
“Those other six crystallized princesses—were they rescued?”
“No, only Ida. It was mostly an accident that broke open her crystal.”
“Then shouldn’t they be rescued too? Aren’t they similarly deserving?”
The others shared a three-way glance that soon crystallized into something more tangible. “What about those other princesses?” Ion asked. “They shouldn’t be frozen in crystals forever.”
“Then isn’t that your Quest?” Benny asked. “To rescue them from the dragon?”
“Indeed,” Hilda agreed, her eyes glowing like crystals themselves.
It seemed to be up to Vinia to bring some common sense into this developing notion. “But would your folk allow it? Dragons are dangerous.”
“I’ve got potions to handle dragons,” Ion said.
“And I can sew us fireproof vests,” Hilda added.
“But you’re children.”
“As it happens, there is an adult member of our party.”
Six eyes turned on Benny. “I’m six years old, chronologically,” he reminded them.
“An adult Caprine,” Ion said. “There is precedent.”
“But it’s chancy,” Vinia said. “Depending on how they choose to see him.”
Hilda nodded. “We need advice.”
Benny put the thinking cap back on. There was another flash. “Squid!” he said. “She’s traveled a lot as a child, and surely she knows how to handle parents.”
Ion reached into a small bag he brought from a pocket. Vinia knew that bag; it was another of Hilda’s sewings. It looked small, but it contained everything Ion wanted to put in it, which was a lot. He had extra food supplies in there, and changes of clothing, and folded tents. And his collection of elixirs. He was immune to all elixirs, which meant they couldn’t help or hurt him directly, but they affected others. When Vinia had tripped and fallen and scraped her knee, Ion had brought out a vial of healing elixir that mended her knee nicely, when she got out of his range and applied it. But how did this relate to Squid?
Ion found the vial he wanted. “Essence of Squid,” he announced. “Who wants to do the honor?”
“I’ll do it,” Hilda said, taking the vial. She cleared a place in front of her, then poured one drop of essence on the floor. “Invoke,” she said.
The drop puffed into vapor, which rose and swirled, forming into a floating cuttlefish with its tentacles spread. Then it put them together, two by two, forming arms and legs. The main mass of it became a body and a head. It stood on the floor, orienting, shaping further into a thirteen-year-old girl with dull brown hair and eyes like Vinia’s. She was an animation, but she seemed to be becoming aware of them.
“Hello, Squid,” Hilda said. “We are Ion and Hilda, with our friends Vinia and Benny, here in Castle Adamant.”
The figure spoke. “I remember. Benny’s Caprine. Vinia’s telekinetic. Ion’s immune to elixirs. Hilda’s Xanth’s best seamstress.”
“That’s us,” Hilda agreed. “We used a drop of your essence to summon your image for a consultation. We need advice.”
A faint man-shaped cloud appeared beside Squid. “It’s okay, Chaos,” Squid said. “These are friends.”
The cloud nodded and faded.
“Demon Chaos is my boyfriend,” Squid explained. “He wants to be sure I don’t get into trouble.”
Vinia nodded inwardly. Word had circulated. Chaos was the strongest of all the Demons, and he loved Squid. The universe would shake, literally, if anything happened to her. But he preferred to stay out of her business, satisfied to observe. He was still learning the intricacies of mortal social life.
“But first tell us where you’ve been,” Hilda said. “The news was that you disappeared for several months, and no one knew where you were. We are curious as bleep.” As a child she couldn’t say “hell,” though she knew the term; the notorious Adult Conspiracy forbade it, along with other pointless restrictions evidently designed to make children feel inferior.
“Readily answered,” Squid said. “I was called away to solve a murder mystery. I couldn’t decline, because it was my own murder, on another track of Xanth.”
“You were murdered!”
“On a different track. There are millions of tracks, and this was the only one where that happened. Still, it wasn’t something I could just ignore. So we went, and it was a future track, where I was of age, so I married Larry, who is also Chaos, to lure the murderer back. It worked, and we caught him. Then I made the murderer take over as protagonist until I was ready to forgive him. But no need to bore you with that story. Now it’s done, and we’re home. And young again, more’s the pity. Now what’s this advice you need from me?”
It was plain that Hilda wanted to know more about that other track, as did they all, but also plain that Squid had said as much about that as she cared to. She had been of age, and married her boyfriend, so she must have learned all the Conspiracy secrets! But she wouldn’t tell those either. How Vinia envied her! “We want to go rescue six princesses from their crystals,” Hilda continued. “The way our mother, Princess Ida, was rescued, but there’s a dragon in the way. Should we try?”
Squid paused half a moment. Vinia realized that she was communing with Chaos, who could instantly gather the background information she needed. Then she spoke. “That’s Dragoman Dragon. He’s not a bad sort, as dragons go. He doesn’t eat maiden princesses, he collects them. But you will have to meet his terms to rescue the princesses, and that may not be easy. The Quest is worthwhile, but you need to clear it with the Good Magician first.”
Ion laughed. “First we have to clear it with our folks. That’s the real hurdle.”
“We’ll put in a word for you.” Then Squid’s eye happened to connect directly with Vinia’s eye. She froze. “Oh, my,” she murmured.
Vinia was startled. What did this famous girl care about her? They had met only briefly two years before.
Then Squid broke the connection. She glanced around. “Bye.” She dissolved into vapor and faded out.
There was a silence stretching a good moment and a half.
Then Hilda spoke. “Why did she break it off so suddenly?”
“Something occurred to her,” Ion said.
“Yes. But what?”
“Aren’t you a maiden princess?” Benny asked nervously.
Vinia saw his point. What was to stop the dragon from trying to collect Hilda herself and crystallize her?
“Ion can give me some antidragon elixir,” Hilda said. “That should protect me.”
She had confidence. Was it justified? Vinia loved Ion, but she also loved Hilda in a sisterly way and didn’t want her to get hurt either.
“Still, this may be nervous business,” Benny said.
“Squid knows something we don’t,” Ion said.
It was time to shift the subject slightly. “First things first,” Vinia said. “Getting your folks’ permission.”
“That’s Mom,” Ion said. “Dad’s away on business today.”
“Maybe think about it for a day or two?” Benny asked with slight hope. He had suggested the Quest, but Vinia understood his hesitation now that it was turning real. The girl he loved was going to put herself at serious risk. Vinia was not completely easy about it herself, as her ongoing thoughts indicated. Sometimes she wished she could turn off her mind for a while so she could relax.
“Why waste the time?” Hilda asked rhetorically. She headed for the door.
So much for that. They followed her into the hall. Vinia put one arm around Ion and engaged her power, making his feet walk in step with her. It was routine, whenever he walked, but she still loved doing it, and she knew he loved doing it too. It was a pretext for continuing closeness they both valued.
Then Ion looked at her, realization dawning. “You’re the protagonist!”
“I’m the what?”
“The main character of the story. The viewpoint person. The one who sees and hears everything, without necessarily affecting it. Squid was the protagonist two years ago: she knows how it is. She recognized you. She has a notion what you’re in for.”
“What am I in for?” Vinia asked, frightened.
“We don’t know. But there are rules. The protagonist always survives to the end of the story. And there always is a story, a big one.”
“Like maybe rescuing six crystallized princesses?”
“Maybe. It’s awesome.”
Hilda looked back. “Hey, slowpokes! You trying to sneak in a kiss while we’re not looking?”
“Don’t tell her!” Vinia said desperately. “Please. I need time to sort this out.”
Ion nodded. “You caught us,” he called back to his sister. He put his face to Vinia’s face, and they kissed. He was covering for her. She loved that about him, among other things: his loyalty to her.
They hurried to catch up.
A palace servitor bowed, his way of inquiring what they wanted.
“Please inform Queen Ida that we are on the way for an audience,” Hilda said. No one else could just barge in on the queen, but they were her children.
He faded out.
When they arrived at the audience chamber, Queen Ida was there. Vinia saw her little moon circling her head, just outside her petite gold crown. That would have been an oddity anywhere but here. “Yes, dear; what is your concern?”
Now Hilda deferred to her brother, glancing at him. So Vinia and Ion stepped up to face the queen. “We want to go rescue the six other princesses who were crystallized with you, way back when.”
The queen glanced at them, her gaze touching each in turn, and pausing fractionally at Vinia. “Oh, my,” Ida murmured.
She knew!
Ion saw that pause, so like Squid’s pause, and understood. Vinia knew that Ida herself, a Sorceress in her own right, might have been a protagonist at some time, so was alert for the signals. Vinia averted her gaze.
“I suppose it does get dull for you children, here in the palace,” Ida said. “But you should at least travel with an adult.”
“Benny’s adult,” Hilda said promptly.
The queen of course knew all about Benny. Would she accept him in that capacity?
“Perhaps that will do,” Ida said.
Now Hilda was suspicious; she knew her mother well. “What, no argument?”
Ida smiled. “Your friend Squid was by, with her adult boyfriend. They seemed to feel that you would be safe enough.”
Oh. Because the protagonist would be along, making the safety of the party more likely. Chaos might even have checked an alternate track, a future one, to get an indication.
“Squid said she’d put in a word,” Ion said.
“She did. And Chaos left some little bombs for you, just in case. I will give them to you now.”
“Bombs?” Hilda asked.
“These are small, invisible, and largely immaterial,” Ida said. “Until invoked. Then they generate chaos nearby, for everyone but the detonator. Things go wrong. Confusion abounds. If a dragon were about to bite you, this might cause it to accidentally bite a stink horn instead.”
They all laughed. Stink horns were Xanth’s worst-smelling plants, absolute disasters to step on, especially indoors or close by. A squashed stink horn made a foul-smelling noise and a hideously filthy stench. That could indeed help protect them and was a nice little gift from the Demon.
Ida held out her hand, as if holding something, though it seemed empty except for a faint glimmer. “They will not be evident on you. They are invoked only by a thought. Do not use them carelessly.”
Ion reached out and took the glimmer. It disappeared. Then Vinia did the same. There was a tiny tingle, then it was gone.
They stepped back, and Hilda and Benny took their bombs.
“Now it is time for dinner,” Ida said. It was the middle of the day, but dinner was whenever Ida said it should be. Vinia realized she was hungry.
They settled down to a private meal with the queen, catered by the palace staff. The drinks were boot rear, of course, the beverage with a kick in it; all children and some adults liked it. There was a fresh salad with Nine Hundred and Ninety-Nine Island dressing: a rumor hinted that Mundania had found the last island, but who believed that? Square onion soup. Footsie rolls, which looked like bare feet. Floating baked air potatoes. And pink eye scream for dessert. Dully routine food, but that was palace life.
That afternoon they made their preparations for the journey. Hilda gathered voluminous threads and giant needles and sewed a full-size magic carpet, like Ion’s small one, but large enough for all four of them. Vinia assisted in any which way she could, bringing more rolls of basic material and more spools of thread as Hilda needed them. The magic was not in the material, or the thread, or the needles, but in the princess’s sewing; the carpet was imbued with the essential magic as she worked. What gradually took shape was the basic carpet, hovering just above the floor, a magic cloth guardrail to prevent accidental stepping off, a canopy, steering bar, reclining deck chairs, and even a private curtained privy consisting of another endless-capacity bag that would hold solid and liquid refuse without apparent weight or odor. They would be able to poop and pee without pausing in their flight.
Vinia was amazed yet again by the sorcery. Hilda could do so much, yet never bragged about it, any more than Ion did about his magic. They just did it as needed and were otherwise normal children.
They boarded the carpet and sat in the chairs, Ion at the steering bar. They took off smoothly, flying up and out an open skylight. It was dusk, and the forested skyline was lovely. They hovered just above the trees.
“We all should practice handling the craft,” Ion said. “Just in case there is a disruption.” He passed the bar to Vinia. It was not attached to anything.
She was so surprised she almost dropped it. “But, but where do I go?” she asked somewhat plaintively.
“Just sail around, getting the feel of it.” Ion closed his eyes as if for a nap.
Vinia took a firm grip and slowly moved the bar. The carpet slowly turned in that direction. She reversed it, and the carpet followed suit. She tilted it slightly back, and the carpet smoothly rose higher. She tilted it the other way, and the carpet descended. She squeezed it, and the carpet accelerated. This was fun!
Soon she passed the bar on to Benny, and he put the carpet through its motions. Then Hilda, who had sewn it but not flown it before. Now they all knew how to do it.
There was a rumble of thunder. In two and a half moments an angry-looking storm cloud headed their way.
Ion took back the wheel and smiled. He steered the carpet straight into the cloud. Lightning jags radiated and thunder crashed all around them, but nothing struck them, not even any spatter of rain. He zoomed it right into the heart of the cloud, and turbulent darkness surrounded them, but there was still no contact.
Ooo, the storm was mad! But it could do nothing. Soon it departed in a huff.
“It’s immune to weather,” Hilda said. “I sewed in a spell.”
They parked the carpet by putting it a continuing circle high above the forest and retired for the night. Ion opened a vial and let out a waft of vapor. “Invisibility elixir,” he said. “No one will bother us.”
The twins seemed to have thought of everything. But they had traveled before, many times, and knew what they were doing.
Vinia joined Ion on his bed mat, and Benny joined Hilda.
This whole excursion was amazing. “This is so thrilling,” Vinia murmured.
Ion kissed her. “I love being with you. The only thing I still wish for—”
“We’re too young,” she whispered. She had known what all men wanted, even the boys, having taken an orientation course on planet Animalia, which specialized in catering to lusty tourists.
“You could make it happen, the same way you make me walk.”
Her telekinesis. She hadn’t thought of using it in precisely that manner, but it could be done. She could make a man of him, as it were. “Yes. But no.”
“No one need know.”
“Pause and consider,” Vinia said. “Do you really think your mother would let you go out into the wilderness with a girl who wasn’t your sister without taking precautions? Without making sure she knew exactly what you were up to every minute of the day and night? She’s the Sorceress of the Idea. Do you think there’s any idea you might have that she did not anticipate?”
“Oh, bleep!” he swore.
He was the prince and the Magician, while she was just a nondescript girl. But sometimes she governed their relationship. Vinia suspected that Ion would not care to have it otherwise.
“She’s right, you know,” Hilda said from the nearby darkness. “Nobody sneaks any ideas past Mom.”
Ion sighed. He knew it was true.
Vinia was sure that Hilda and Benny had had a similar dialogue well before this time, with him being the sensible one. Ida did not extend her trust carelessly. No mother did.
Still, the Adult Conspiracy could be a nuisance. If Vinia could have it her own way, with no outside censure, she would do it this instant with Ion, just as Benny would with Hilda. Childhood could be a burden.
In the morning they discussed it briefly and decided to take the scenic route to the Good Magician’s Castle. For example, neither Vinia nor Benny had ever seen the famed Gap Chasm. For half a century it had been neglected, being under a forget spell, but when that had finally dissipated, it had become a tourist attraction. The dread Gap Dragon, a descendant of the original one Princess Ivy had pacified, had become almost tame, enjoying the notoriety.
They breakfasted on tomato chips and people crackers, took turns visiting the privy, washing up, dressing, then doused the invisibility spell because it also made the outside realm invisible to them, messing up traveling.
Xanth came into view in all its morning splendor. The sun was glowing behind cloud cover, perhaps doing its own pooping and washing up, girding itself for its arduous climb up into the sky, and the pale mists were sinking into shadows. They angled down to get a better view of the scenery below, the fields and streams and maidens washing in the puddles, then set off north, for the Gap Chasm.
A screech of harpies spotted them and flew in close. “Look at this!” one screeched (of course). “A giant flying carpet! With children on it! Let’s have some fun with them!” However, their idea of fun was unlikely to be child’s play.
Ion sat at the prow. “Desist, bird brains! This is a private conveyance.”
The dirty birds screeched their coarse laughter. The nearest one oriented on the boy, her very gaze filthy. “Private, is it, innocent lad? We’ll show you some privates!” She flipped backward to expose her tail section, spreading the feathers. This would have been a violation of the Conspiracy, but harpies did not much honor it, anyway, except in the mocking of it, and bird anatomy hardly counted.
“Second warning,” Ion said. “Desist annoying us and go your way in peace.”
“Did he say piece?” another harpy screeched. “How’s this for a piece?” She thrust her bare bosom forward and inhaled. Vinia had to concede that she had pretty good breasts, exactly the kind that a boy Ion’s age should not get to peek at.
“Get back out of range,” Ion warned the others. “The privy curtain will shield you.”
They crowded into the privy together, to the raucous laughter of the harpies. Vinia was able to see some detail through the curtain. “Look! The kids are hiding!”
“Or pooping!”
“They’re party poopers!” The implications were filthier than the words.
Ion uncapped a vial and blew its emerging mist at the harpies. They laughed as the vapor expanded into a faintly roiling cloud. “You think to tease us with a puff of bottled air? We’ll give you air!” Several presented their backsides, making rude noises. The thing about harpies was that they were dirty in mind as much as in body. Ion merely waited.
Then they started choking and retching. “Yuck!” one gasped. “What is that odor?”
“Essence of stink horn,” Ion answered. He breathed deeply. “Exhilarating, isn’t it.” He was of course immune to this, as it was a kind of elixir.
The harpies tumbled out of the air, retching uncontrollably. They were amateurs, compared to a stink horn. The lack of the foul sound and hideous color had fooled them into basking in it. They were wise too late.
Even in the protected locale of the privy, Vinia smelled half a whiff. It was the worst stench she had encountered in years. Rotten vomit soaked in parboiled day-old goblin poop after a feast on soiled has beans did not begin to describe it. But she wasn’t sorry for the harpies. Ion had warned them.
They flew on, leaving the noxious cloud behind, admiring the colorful fields and forests. The land of Xanth was lovely from this perspective. Ion and Hilda were used to it, but Benny and Vinia gazed down in virginal awe. There were so many intriguing details!
Then a large fire-breathing dragon spied the carpet. Maybe it had seen what happened to the harpies, as it circled them without approaching closely.
“Begone, dragon,” Ion commanded.
Instead the dragon oriented and inhaled, readying a blast. Uh-oh. Dragons did not take human directives well. It could toast them from well beyond the range of anything like stink horn stench.
Ion did not seem to be concerned. He reached into his bag and brought out a small glowing ball. He set it on the carpet in front of him. “I call this the mini-nova effect,” he explained. “I’ve been waiting for a chance to use it.”
“Nova?” Vinia asked nervously. She was not familiar with the term.
“I traded with an old elf mage: a vial of high-grade youthening elixir for it. I thought it might be useful someday.”
That didn’t help much. They would just have to see what happened.
“Invoke,” Ion said.
The ball abruptly expanded into a sparkling translucent sphere that surrounded the carpet. The dragon saw that and smiled, baring its deadly teeth. It was sure that a thin glassy ball would not withstand a direct fire strike. Then it sent its white-hot spear of fire.
Vinia tried not to flinch as the spear smote the sphere, knowing that Ion knew his business. She saw Benny and Hilda similarly nervously unflinching. She saw it strike.
The sphere flared hugely, making an expanding flame that scorched everything in a wide radius. Vinia could see the dust in the air exploding into ash, and the air itself magically transforming into some other element. The scorch touched the dragon, illuminating it in fire. The dragon was a fire creature, largely immune to heat, but this was clearly of a new order of intensity. Just as the harpies had been no match for stink horn elixir, the dragon was no match for the nova. It fell, its wings burned to crisps, its scales glowing with residual heat. The creature seemed to have survived as it bounced on the ground and wriggled away, trailing ash; it could grow new wings. But it would not bother them again.
In fact, no dragon would try to harass them again. Word would get around. Ion was a Magician, and no one with any sense knowingly messed with magic of that caliber.
Now maybe they had half a notion what a nova was. If this were mini, what would a full-size one be like? Vinia hesitated even to try to imagine that.
Nothing aboard the carpet was affected. The glassy sphere had protected it.
“A nova,” Hilda said weakly, obviously as bewildered as Vinia was.
“It’s a bit like a black hole, only its force is outward rather than inward,” Ion explained. “The protective sphere is roughly analogous to an event horizon.”
“Thank you for that clarification,” Benny said, similarly confused.
“You’re welcome,” Ion said. A bit of a hidden smile was hovering in the vicinity.
They flew on without further event, the Xanth horizon unaffected. Soon they came to the famed Gap Chasm.
Benny and Vinia plunged into renewed awe, while the twins watched tolerantly. The Chasm was a phenomenal cleft in the ground, descending a mundane mile or so to a floor overgrown with trees and lesser vegetation. It was obviously a whole separate ecosystem, only tenuously connected to the terrain on either side.
“Let’s see the Gap Dragon,” Hilda said. “But make us invisible so it’s private. We don’t want others to know we’re on a quest.”
“Right,” Ion agreed.
“But do let us see out, this time.”
“Got it. I have a one-way shield.” He fished in his bag and brought out a miniature shield. He set this on the carpet. “Invoke.”
The shield expanded, surrounding them. But they could see through it, as they coasted down almost to the ground. Was it really working?
“Let me verify,” Benny said. He changed to Caprine form, a handsome buck goat with white patches on his brown fur, then lowered his horny head and leaped off the carpet to the ground. Vinia was a quarter way startled: she knew he could change, and had seen it before, but he had remained in human form while staying at the palace and she had gotten used to his human aspect. All crossbreeds could switch between their ancestral forms; it was their magic.
The buck turned about and gazed back at the carpet for two-thirds of a moment. Then he shook his head. Then he reverted to human form. “I can’t see or hear you,” he called. “You’ll have to throw me a line.”
Hilda unwound some thread on a spool, then threw the spool toward Benny while holding on to the end. It landed on the ground before him.
“Thanks,” he called as he picked up the spool. Then he followed it as Hilda reeled him in. He passed through the shield. “Ah, there you are,” he said, now seeing them. “You are completely invisible from outside. There was just brush.”
“No brush-off,” Hilda said, the semblance of a smile hovering nearby.
They resumed motion, elevating above tree level. Ion brought out another artifact, this one a little disk with a needle pointing in no special direction. “General purpose compass,” he explained. “Gap Dragon.” This was evidently another item he had traded for. Potent elixirs could fetch in just about anything.
The needle immediately oriented, pointing a specific direction. They went that way and soon heard a kind of whomping, as if something heavy was being thrown repeatedly on the ground. Then they saw it: a long snakelike dragon with three pairs of legs, at front, middle, and rear. It was a steamer, with wisps of steam rising from its mouth as it breathed. This was the dread Gap Dragon, the scourge of the separate realm of the Gap. It moved by lifting its front end, then its middle, and finally its rear, in the manner of an inchworm but on a larger scale, each section whomping as it landed. It looked inefficient, but the creature was moving right along and could surely catch any prey it went after. Vinia was impressed.
The dragon whomped to a stop. The ferocious head looked their way. How could it see them?
Then it lifted a sign board from somewhere. Words appeared printed on it. HELLO IDA’S OFFSPRING.
Vinia and Benny froze in shock. The dragon knew they were there!
Hilda brought out a section of cloth from her purse. “Hello, Gap Dragon,” she said, and the words appeared on the cloth: HELLO, GAP DRAGON. “How did you know we were here?” She dangled the cloth outside the shield.
I SMELLED YOU, HILDA. YOU FORGOT TO MASK YOUR ODORS. WHO ARE YOUR FRIENDS?
Odors! Vinia knew they would be sure to include that next time.
Hilda turned to Ion. “This is cumbersome. We’d better turn visible for the nonce. We can trust him.”
“Unvoke,” Ion said. There was a faint shimmer as the shield dissipated.
AH, THERE YOU ARE!
They talked. Hilda introduced Benny and Vinia. They learned that Ida’s twin sister, Queen Ivy, had given her friend the Gap Dragon the magic talking board so it could communicate with humans when it needed to, and that board had been passed down to its descendants. They also learned that the Gap Dragon did not eat friends. Now Vinia and Benny would be considered friends.
Overall, it was a nice enough visit.
They bid parting to the dragon and floated back into the sky. It was time to brace the Good Magician, who was likely to be more formidable.
