AngelsDeath and the Life After – Graham, Billy

FACING DEATH—AND THE LIFE AFTER

Copyright © 1987 by Billy Graham

 

Then I heard a voice from heaven say, “Write: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on. “

“Yes,” says the Spirit, “they will rest from their labor, for their deeds will follow them.”

Revelation 14:13

 

CONTENTS

 

INTRODUCTION

1. THE LAST ENEMY

2. DEATH: NO MORE TABOOS

3. KING OF TERRORS

4. WHY DO SOME DIE SO SOON?

5. JOURNEY THROUGH THE VALLEY

6. HOW LONG IS BORROWED TIME?

7. LIFE AND DEATH CHOICES

8. GROPING THROUGH GRIEF

9. IS YOUR HOUSE IN ORDER?

10. WHERE DO I GO WHEN I DIE?

11. BELIEVER’S DEATH BENEFITS

12. BEFORE I DIE

A CLOSING WORD

 

INTRODUCTION

 

Man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment.

Hebrews 9:27

The 563 men, women and children who boarded

The Herald of Free Enterprise ferry on March 6, 1987, in Zeebrugge, Belgium, for a trip across the English Channel to Dover, England, had no inkling of what awaited them shortly after leaving the harbor.

Without warning, the four-thousand-ton vessel began to list and within seconds, the happy passengers were transformed into desperate, terrified people as they plunged beneath the icy cold waters and began to battle for their lives.

Two hundred passengers and crew members went to a watery grave. The only reason the toll was not much higher was the quick work by rescue crews who risked their own lives to save others.

More recently, thirty-seven men lost their lives on the USS Stark in the Persian Gulf, and some twenty-nine people died when a tornado struck the little town of Saragosa in West Texas. We have grown used to hearing about (and even seeing) such tragedies reported on our television newscasts and tend to treat them as mere statistics unless one of our loved ones is involved. It is an axiom that there are just two certainties in life: death and taxes, but that is not true. With the right deductions and a good accountant, millionaires have managed to avoid paying any taxes at all. But everyone, millionaires and paupers, will face the ultimate certainty: death.

It is doubtful that any of the passengers aboard the ferry thought about the possibility of their being dead within minutes after boarding the vessel. That is largely because we live in a death-denying society. Even the language and atmosphere of funeral homes denies death. A person who has died is said to have “departed.” The person is stripped of his or her name and referred to as a “loved one.” There are persons who are specialists in applying makeup to a dead body to make it appear as if the person is only sleeping. Advertisers do all they can to help us deny the ultimate fact of life. Billions of dollars are spent on a cosmetic industry that promises creams and lotions will slow the aging process and make the user look younger. Joggers line the roads, often before dawn, and workouts at health clubs have become popular ways to keep the body in shape to prolong life. Fiber is an increasingly prevalent part of some people’s diets as physicians tell us of its ability to reduce the risk of cancer. Many people are giving up smoking to reduce the possibility of heart and lung disease.

But the irreversible fact is that no matter what your diet no matter how much you exercise, no matter how many vitamins or health foods you eat, no matter how low your cholesterol, you will still die—someday, some way. You may add a year, or even a few years to a life that could be shorter had you not been concerned about your health, but in the end death will conquer you as it has every person who has ever lived.

If you knew the moment and manner of your death in advance, would you order your life differently? If so, when would you do it . . . right now, or would you wait until the day before? And then what would you do to right the mistakes you made during your life? Unfortunately, no one knows the day or the hour of his death, which is why it is best, in the words of the scout motto, to “be prepared.”

It is my prayer that this book may be a source of support and blessing for every reader, and that each of us will have the comfort of God s love as we face the issues discussed here. For those who do not know Christ, I pray they will meet Him in these pages.

Naturally, I have not written this book alone. Others have helped immensely. Especially do I owe a deep debt of gratitude to my longtime friend Carole Carlson. She did so much research for the first of many drafts of the manuscript. Without her, this book would have been almost impossible to finish on time. Then, as always, I want to thank my wife, Ruth, for her part in helping to plan and shape this book and for sharing a number of touching moments from her own life. For years, she has kept a file of material on the subject of death (as she does on many subjects, to help me in my preaching and writing). Some of the stories and statistics in this book came from her files. I also want to thank Dr. John Akers, the Reverend Jack Black, Mrs. Millie Dienert, and Dr. Harold Lindsell who read and made helpful comments and additions to sections of the book.

Further, I want to thank each of the other men and women who have supported me in researching and developing this work and in preparing it for publication. Likewise, a word of appreciation to my publisher, Ernie Owen, and my editors, Al Bryant and Dr. Jim Black of Word. And, last but not least, a special thank you to my secretary, Stephanie Wills, for her tireless effort and unflagging support.

 

CHAPTER ONE

THE LAST ENEMY

 

“If we are in a battle with this enemy called Death, I believe we should learn about it, in order to know how to confront the dying experience. We need to know how to face that enemy on our own behalf, and how to deal with the inevitable deaths of loved ones and friends.”

The last enemy that will be abolished is death.

1 Corinthians 15:26 NASB

A twisted pile of metal and shattered glass lay like a broken toy in the left lane of the freeway. The flares, police cars, ambulances, and flashing red lights created a scene of sudden and ominous dread. An expensive sports car, once an object of pride, now lay twisted beyond repair. A limp body sprawled in the front seat, wedged beneath the steering wheel. Was the victim alive or dead? Could the mangled body be stitched together by the hands of a skilled surgeon, or would it be nastily covered with a plastic sheet and transported unceremoniously to the city morgue, “DOA, dead on arrival”? For all of the shock and anguish for the loved ones and families affected by such tragedies, scenes like this one are repeated every day on America’s highways. The grief we feel at the sudden death of a loved one can be crushing; yet, such accidents are all too common. Only spectacular disasters make the headlines any more, and families whose lives have been suddenly shattered and their futures dramatically changed, discover too late that they are unprepared.

What about that anonymous driver? Was he prepared for the sudden change in his future plans? Had he arranged his affairs for such a possibility, and had he considered his options for eternity?

How we deal with death and tragedy says a lot about what kind of people we are. All too often we glance at the newspaper and notice that another celebrity has died; a phone call or letter brings sad news about a friend’s death. We hurt for our loved ones and mourn our own losses, but how prepared are we to face death as a reality and deal with the difficult challenges it creates? I remember an incident in Paris in September of 1986, just before the beginning of our crusade. We were having a fairly normal day of business when, suddenly, it seemed like this beautiful city was under siege. A bomb exploded in a busy department store during the noon rush hour, killing and wounding women and children. We discovered we had arrived during a series of terrorist attacks, an onslaught which Time magazine decried, calling the new wave of terrorism “this leprosy of modern times.”

As it turned out, we were never seriously threatened by that wave of sudden violence, and I have my own feelings about why that might be, but, nevertheless, we had to think about the dire possibilities and what consequences our crusade team might have to anticipate. By nature, the human mind does not want to deal with distasteful facts. We want to forget the unpleasant or painful and concentrate on the “positive.” We persuade ourselves that sudden death happens to others, not to us. But that is not always so.

 

Death: The Final Certainty

 

Death tolls in wars and epidemics, and the news we read of famine in foreign lands, draw our attention to the fatal aspects of the world around us. Reports from Africa and South America tell of millions of affected citizens, thousands of casualties, miles of affected territory, months and years of suffering, and all the tragedy that can be summed up in statistical fashion. But statistics, and the ways they are fed to us by the media, can be misleading. Death is perennial. During World War II, C. S. Lewis pointed out that war does not increase death; death is total in every generation. It takes every one of us. George Bernard Shaw wryly wrote, “The statistics on death are quite impressive. One out of one people die.” During family week at a Christian conference center, a message came that one of the couples who had been teachers for many of the children at the camp had walked into their four-month-old baby’s room and found him blue and lifeless—a victim of crib death. A pall came over everyone as the news spread. Why did this happen to people like Ben and Sally? She was in her late thirties and this was their first child. She taught her kindergarten class until shortly before her baby was due, and every day her little pupils prayed for that baby. Ben and Sally’s students and members of their church were excited when little Benjamin was born. Why did the Lord take him?

Death is so often accompanied by those heartbreaking questions, “Why me? Why now? Why this?”

Why must we die? The Bible says, “It is appointed unto men once to die” (Hebrews 9:27 KJV). It is the most democratic of all experiences. Over 400 years ago the English author John Heywood noted, “Death makes equal the high and low.” We can fight it, and the will to fight it is instinctive. We can even avoid it for a time, and common sense allows us that privilege. We can argue, plead, and bargain, but death is the one universal enemy. Saying “I don’t want to think about it” won’t make the reality disappear. Death ultimately intrudes into our well-planned lives and changes things around, absolutely. We want to deny death. We cover our awkwardness around the subject by speaking of the deceased as if they did not die. “He departed this life,” we say. “He passed away,” or “He’s gone up yonder.” The fact that the body is now in the ground and the soul of the deceased has departed is more than we like to admit.

In asking if one’s father is still living, the Chinese say, “Is your father still located?” The reply would be, “He’s located,” or “He’s not located,” whichever is the case. The word “death” is rarely used, even in the world’s most ancient culture.

Today we are confronted with so many voices telling us how to live. We are told how to look young, stay trim, keep healthy, have a good image, think positively, make more money, have more friends. All these are reasonable ambitions, but they indicate that we are trying desperately to cling to this present world. The truth is, life is transitory. “What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes” (James 4:14b). The psalmist said, “Each man’s life is but a breath” (psalm 39:5). If we want to make the most of life, we need to face the fact that it is going to end. My father-in-law, Dr. L. Nelson Bell, wrote many years ago, “Only those who are prepared to die are really prepared to live.” The uncertainty is not the dying, it’s the preparation.

 

Facing Reality

 

If we are in a battle with this enemy called Death, I believe we should learn about it, in order to know how to confront the dying experience. We need to know how to face that enemy on our own behalf, and how to deal with the inevitable deaths of loved ones and friends. Can you imagine any military strategist saying, “Well, if there really is an enemy out there, perhaps I should find out something about him . . . later”? It reminds me of the situation at the beginning of World War II. As long as history is recorded, the attack on Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941, will be remembered. The Japanese High Command code-named the attack “Operation Z,” and its planning took place more than a year before the launch of warplanes that would destroy the battleships and aircraft carriers at Pearl Harbor, the heart of the U.S. Pacific Fleet.

In the summer of 1941 I went to Washington, D.C., with my wife Ruth’s family. Dr. Bell was intent on meeting with officials at the State Department to alert them to an imminent Japanese attack. He was politely ignored. Other warnings had been heard, but also went unheeded; America was unprepared for what happened at Pearl Harbor, blindly refusing to face the encroaching danger.

Can we afford to ignore the warnings of our ultimate enemy? We need to break the conspiracy of silence about the subject with a biblically sound, realistic approach. Years ago there was a popular play called “Death Takes a Holiday.” The idea was provocative and made good drama with its impossible theme; however, while death was not a part of God’s original plan, we cannot escape it. Death never takes a holiday (with one possible exception which we will consider later). Adolescents are notorious for denying the reality of death; it is the farthest thing from their minds. In the vigor of youth, they take life for granted, and perhaps they should at that age; but all of us tend to take life for granted when times are good, when there is plenty, when the economy is strong, when things are getting better. Death is the last thing on our minds when we have full stomachs. But let a person who is reasonably intelligent ponder slightly the reality of death and that person is on his or her way to an existential crisis. That person starts asking questions like, “Who am I?” “Why am I here?” “Where am I going from here?” Sometimes the questions come on the heels of a serious setback or sudden loss, when the good times disappear, when the party’s over, and he or she has to face the morning after. If the individual has a mind and feelings, there is no way to deny the reality.

There are signs that some people are trying to develop a more informed approach to the subject. In fact, some educators are saying death has come out of the closet and into the classroom. I have been told that sex is the only subject which is more popular on the campus these days. Students are visiting morgues, even making their own funeral arrangements. For whatever reasons, death as a topic is in vogue, but the mature Christian perspective is still something less than hot news. I suspect that modern society, with the potential for nuclear incineration, military holocaust, and natural disaster puts the spotlight on the subject for these young people. But I also suspect that the constant bombardment of TV violence is a factor.

Discussing death scientifically may help us become more capable of discussing the personal aspects of dying; and facing the fact of our own death can help us cope with our neurotic fears of dying. But most important, we can come to grips with the need to get our life’s priorities in order. However, we cannot begin to understand the riddle of death without the guiding knowledge of the Word of God. Outside of the Bible, death will forever remain an unknown phantom, stalking helpless human victims.

Throughout this book it is my desire to approach the fact of death objectively and compassionately as God has revealed it to us through the Scriptures. Although death is, as the apostle Paul claimed, the last enemy, one of the main purposes of this book is to show that it need not be feared.

 

Death: Our Mortal Enemy

 

The Bible stresses that death is an enemy, not a friend—both of God and of us.

Why is death our enemy? I’m not thinking of the death which is a release from pain, debilitating disease, or advanced age, but death the enemy who snatches a child before he learns to play in the sunshine. It is the enemy who takes the young couple before they can be married, stops the youth who wants to be a pilot, or kills the young father and leaves orphaned children and a destitute wife. As you read this sentence, one person will die. Death, like an unfinished symphony, leaves fragments of many promising careers and lives.

One woman wrote me about the death of her husband.

She called it an “untimely death.”

“He had called me twice that morning,” she said, “after supposedly recovering after a week’s stay for heart treatment in the hospital. He told me he was ‘coming home.’ The doctor scheduled him for a ‘mild’ treadmill test, and thirty minutes later the hospital called to say he died on the treadmill. The shock has been almost unbearable. Please pray that I will be able to accept this part of the Lord’s plan.”

Although we think of the death of a young person, or one in the prime of life, as being the most difficult for loved ones, that is not always true. I heard from one woman who said, “Please pray for me, I feel so lost without my husband. He was my life. We were married for sixty years.”

Frank Coy was in Cleveland talking to his wife by long distance telephone to their home near Phoenix, Arizona. She had not been feeling very well. Frank and Virginia were extremely close and had been married for many years. They had looked forward to his retirement as president of the May Company in Cleveland, and were traveling about the country, though he still served on many boards including ours. During the conversation she said she had a pain. He said, “Well, honey, I think you ought to go to the hospital.” All of a sudden he heard the phone drop. He immediately called a hospital in Phoenix and within four minutes the paramedics were there, but it was too late. She had died while talking to her husband on the phone. It absolutely crushed Frank. Except for the companionship of the Lord, he seems to be totally lost without Virginia. Heaven is much closer to him now.

 

Death: Enemy of God’s Plan

 

“But, Lord. I don’t want to die.” And the Lord, as it were, answers: I didn’t plan the world that way, but someday, even this enemy will be destroyed. God reminds us of that through the apostle Paul. “For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. The last enemy to be destroyed is death” (1 Corinthians 15:25, 26). Why is death an enemy of God? Because it destroys life, in contrast to God, the creator and author of life. In fact, the Bible tells us that neither sin nor pain, disease nor death were part of God’s original plan for man. Death was the penalty for sin, and Adam and Eve made the choice of their own free wills. When they did not obey God, He told the first man and woman if they ate from the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they would die. But Satan scoffed at God’s warning and told them they surely would not die. Adam and Eve chose to ignore God’s warning and to believe Satan’s lie. “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23). Death is the common lot of every human being and of every other living thing—both plants and animals. Sin and death, the Bible tells us, have afflicted the whole of God’s creation, including the natural world, and only when Christ comes in His glory at the end of the present era will sin be eradicated and creation be restored to God’s original plan. “The creation waits in eager expec- tation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God” (Romans 8:19-21).

Did you ever wonder what would have happened to man if he hadn’t sinned? We certainly don’t know, because the Scriptures don’t tell us. But perhaps man would have been translated to heaven without passing through death, just as Enoch and Elijah were. There will be a generation of believers who will not know physical death. Those who are still alive when Jesus Christ returns in glory for His own will not die but will be changed “in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye” (1 Corinthians 15:52).

A child asked his mother, “Where would I be if I hadn’t been born?” How can we answer that? It’s like asking what would have happened if Eve hadn’t taken a bite of the forbidden fruit and Adam hadn’t succumbed to her invitation. We just don’t know.

 

Some Reactions to Death

 

People encounter death from different perspectives. Some defy death, as did my friend Steve McQueen, until it consumed him with cancer. They laugh at death, as did Will Rogers, until the day his plane crashed. George Burns says, “I don’t believe in death.” But they invite death when life becomes unbearable, as did Marilyn Monroe. Sometimes they are resigned to death, as was the hapless Anne Boleyn, second queen consort of Henry VIII. She wrote these poignant final words:

Oh, death, rock me asleep! Bring me to quiet and rest Let me pass my weary, guiltless life out of my careful breast.

Toll on the passing bell, ring out my doleful knell;

Let thy sound my death tell; Death doth draw me, Death doth draw me; There is no remedy.

Still others have a fatalistic attitude toward death or reject it, claiming we should not worry about it because there is no life after death and there is nothing we can do about death anyway.

The Greek philosopher, Epicurus, lived three centuries before Christ and wrote in a seriocomic tone about death, as we have a tendency to do when we are nervous about a subject. He said, “Death, feared as the most awful of evils, is really nothing. For so long as we are, death has not come, and when it has come we are not.”

Others go to the opposite extreme and live in constant, paralyzing fear of death. Because they have no security and assurance of God’s love and protection in the midst of death, their lives are preoccupied with fear and often filled with attempts to win God’s favor and avoid His anger.

Christians are not immune to the fear of death. Death is not always a “beautiful release,” but an enemy which separates. There is a certain mystery to it. It does not respect the young or the old, the good or the evil, the Christian or the heathen.

Our individual responses to death cannot be placed in neat categories and given labels. However, our experiences with life and death are generally similar to those of others around us. The Bible says, “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man” (1 Corinthians 10:13).

But we need not give way to defiance, or rejection, or fear, or any of the other attitudes people adopt in the face of the reality of death. There is another way— the way of Christ—by which we know that while the experience of death is certain, so also is the fact of heaven. For the Christian, death can be faced realistically and with victory, because he knows that “neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39).

Now, I am not anxious to die, nor am I writing this book with any knowledge of my imminent departure. And just because the Bible tells us that believers have a blessed hope of conquering death, we don’t run to the door and say to the enemy, “Come on in, I’ve been waiting anxiously for you.” It is not a sign of weak faith for the Christian to face death with reluctance. The apostle Paul confessed that he was torn between the desire to die and be with Christ and the need to continue his work in the churches. He wrote to the believers in Philippi, “I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body” (Philippians 1:23, 24). Can we be realistic, without being morbid? Can we find peace, assurance, triumph, and even humor, in a subject which is avoided by many but vitally important and inevitable to everyone? I am convinced we can.

 

CHAPTER TWO

DEATH: NO MORE TABOOS

 

“Now that the taboo has been lifted, it is more important than ever for Christians to get involved in some of the great questions about the process of dying. The Bible has the answers to the fear of death, but we need the principles in God’s Word about the dying experience.”

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die. . . .

Ecclesiastes 3:1, 2

I majored in anthropology in college. That may not seem to be a good educational foundation for a clergyman. At the time, however, I thought it would give me a greater understanding of other cultures and peoples, never dreaming how useful it would become when my future ministry would be worldwide.

It is fascinating to me how customs and traditions reflect the way people really think. Hold a mirror to history and we see the art, music, literature, and manners of each era. Sometimes those of us who have lived five or more decades reach the stage where we shake our heads and say, “In my day it was different.” Of course it was. And someday our children may mimic us when they tell our grandchildren, “When I was your age . . . .” Attitudes toward death have changed more than styles in clothing. We have passed from the ceremonial to the unmentionable and have reached the present “gloom boom.” More books have been written about death in the last ten years than in the previous century. A few hundred years ago, death was a ritual. Knowing that his end was near, the dying person prepared for death, as Sir Lancelot did in the Knights of the Round Table. After he was wounded in battle he believed he was about to die. He spread out his arms, his body forming a cross. He turned his head so that he faced east, toward Jerusalem. He was ready for death. Death had its own protocol. If the dying person was unable to remember what it was, those present would remind him what the proper custom was. One historian who carefully studied the attitudes toward death in the Middle Ages, wrote, “The dying man, according to Guillaume Durand, bishop of Mende, must lie on his back so that his face is always turned toward heaven.” Today on television our dying heroes fall over with a few “ughs!” if allowed that much. They jerk, explode, or topple over with no chance to leave another generation quotable words. “His last words were . . .” has been replaced by the gut reaction.

In the more romantic tradition of the past, phrases such as Hamlet’s words, “To be or not to be, that is the question,” masked the ugliness of death in lyrical language.

Deathbed scenes in past centuries were a public ceremony, many times including friends, relatives, and children. Illustrations in old books frequently pictured a high canopied bed on which rested the wasted form of its occupant surrounded by people in various stages of grief, concern, or even indifference. A dying man’s bedroom was like Grand Central Station. However, toward the end of the eighteenth century, physicians were increasingly concerned with basic principles of hygiene and were unhappy about overcrowded conditions in the bedrooms of the dying.

Those final days when a person needed to commune with God or with loved ones were regarded as a right for the dying. People prepared to die. The language of wills documented a person’s careful last plan, including his statement of faith. For instance, here is what Patrick Henry wrote in his will:

I have now disposed of all my property to my family. There is one thing more I wish I could give them, and that is faith in Jesus Christ. If they had that and I had not given them one shilling, they would be rich; and if I had not given them that, and had given them all the world, they would be poor indeed.

However, the second half of the eighteenth century saw a considerable change in wills. “The pious clauses, the choice of a tomb, the funding of religious services, and the giving of alms all disappeared; the will was reduced to the document we find today, a legal act distributing the estate, small or large. Thus the will was completely secularized . . . .”

The historian commented, “It has been thought that this secularization was one of the signs of the de- Christianization of society.”

What interests me is that the return to the concept of Christian wills is being seen in our day. In the nineteenth century came a new preoccupation with the decor of death. There were funeral processions, mourning clothes, the spread of cemeteries, regular visits, and pilgrimages to tombs. There was a pomp connected with the departure from life which was elaborate and prolonged.

But customs changed. As the twentieth century, with its rapid changes in technology, communication, and lifestyles, began its breathless race into the future, death became an unmentionable topic (perhaps due in part to increasing secularism). Over a period of time, people began to exclude children from deathbed scenes, or even viewing the dead. Death became a private affair; eventually even the family was excluded as the hospitalization of the terminally ill became widespread.

With this came the rejection of mourning during much of this century. The community felt less and less involved in the death of its members. Geoffrey Gorer, an Englishman, began a study of this change in attitudes toward death and mourning as a result of a series of personal experiences. He lost his father on the Lusitania in 1915, so was never able to see his body. It was 1931 before he first viewed a dead body and could experience and observe the conventions of mourning. However, in the late 1940s he experienced the deaths of two close friends, and was struck by the rejection of traditional ways of mourning. In 1955 he published an article called “The Pornography of Death.” In it, he showed how death had become as shameful in the modern age as sex was to the Victorians. One taboo had been substituted for another.

Children were excluded from funeral services, sometimes even those of their own parents. Gorer, reflecting on his own life, told about the death of his brother in 1961.

In speaking of his nephews he said,

“Their father’s death was quite unmarked for them by ritual of any kind, and was even nearly treated as a secret, for it was many months before Elizabeth (his wife) could bear to mention him or have him mentioned in her presence.”

In a questionnaire published by Psychology Today in 1971, a woman of twenty-five wrote, “When I was twelve, my mother died of leukemia. She was there when I went to bed and when I woke up the next morning, my parents were gone. My father came home, took my brother and me on his knee, and burst into screeching sobs and said, ‘Jesus took your mother.’ Then we never talked about it again. It was too painful for all of us.”

How unfortunate it is when Jesus is depicted to children as the person who “took” mommy or daddy, without the child having a previous understanding of the hope of heaven and eternal life. It is no wonder that the young woman just mentioned had to undergo counseling therapy in later years.

In contrast, my wife Ruth tells about the death of her former Wheaton College roommate, Ann King Blocher, who died surrounded by her husband and all five of her children. Another friend, Helen Morken, was dying of cancer when she said to Ruth in a telephone conversation that “The prayers of God’s people are the extension of His loving arms.” Ruth sent her a cassette of hymns and sacred music she had put together for her own mother and later produced for distribution, called Looking Homeward.” Helen played it by the hour. As she died, her entire family stood around her bed and literally sang her into the glory of heaven.

 

Whatever Happened to Hell?

 

As attitudes toward death and dying changed, another significant shift began to take place within the human family. The reality of Satan was ignored increasingly or discarded as a myth. Even many who believed in a personal devil were not allowed to acknowledge his power in this world, nor did they believe in hell. Hell, in the eyes of unbelievers and even some believers, was abandoned. Or it was relegated to some vague concept of “evil in the world.” Even some theologians chose to reject the Bible’s clear teaching on hell.

Certainly war, hunger, terrorism, greed, and hatred are hell on earth, but, except for the Bible believer, a future hell became part of the ash heap of ancient history. As hell was becoming for many no more than a swear word, sin was also an accepted way of life. People began to look to science, education, and social and moral programs as possible solutions to the growing chaos of an insane world. If people can ignore what the Bible calls sin, then they can quite logically discount what it says about the reality of hell.

Whoever chooses to deny that there is a hell must then face certain questions. “Where do I go when I die?” “Who goes to heaven, and who doesn’t?” And, “If I don’t go to heaven, what is the alternative?”

In contemporary society hell is not a popular subject. George Gallup made a survey on hell and there were some interesting results. In his national poll 53 percent of the general population of the United States said they believe in hell. The percentage goes down dramatically among people with a college education and those with high incomes. Simply stated, the Gallup poll showed that the more education and money people had, the less likely they were to believe in hell. What about heaven? In the Gallup survey, 66 percent of the general population said they believe in “a heaven where people who have led good lives are eternally rewarded.” More people are confident that there is a heaven than are concerned about hell. I was especially interested that those who believed in heaven were asked a further question, “How would you describe your own chances of going to heaven—excellent, good, fair, or poor?”

Among the Protestant denominations, only 26 percent of the Baptists, 20 percent of the Lutherans, and 16 percent of the Methodists thought their chances of attaining heaven were excellent. The survey further revealed that while only 24 percent of the Protestants said they were sure of a place in heaven, 41 percent of the Catholics had this assurance.

Why did members of organized churches, or those professing to be either Protestant or Catholic, have such a low assurance of heaven? Could it be that in our descriptions of heaven we have failed to mention the horrors of its alternative? Have we overreacted to the old “hell-fire and brimstone” preaching by discarding or at least watering down the clear teaching of the Bible? Jesus spoke of hell as “darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth” (Matthew 8:12). Or have we even neglected the whole question of life after death by emphasizing only this life?

Jesus used the strongest words possible to describe the horrors of hell.

Having traveled widely and spoken with multitudes of people in many countries where the Christian faith is no longer as strong as it once was, I was not surprised to learn from the Gallup poll that more Americans believe in hell than do those in any of the other countries where Christianity is the major organized religion. In Sweden, for instance, only 17 percent believe in hell;

France, 22 percent; Great Britain, 23 percent; West Germany, 25 percent; Switzerland, 25 percent; the Netherlands, 28 percent. Other countries in Europe were equally low.

Gallup surmises, and I tend to agree, that some of the reasons why more people believe in heaven than in hell is that “Hell is like death—people try not to think about it.”6 Jackie Gleason appearing on “60 Minutes” with Morley Safer indicated that he believed there was eternal life ahead either in heaven or hell. I remember talking to Jackie on several occasions in years past on this very theme.

Just because people do not believe in hell doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist! Jesus warned, “Be afraid of the one who can destroy both soul and body in hell” (Matthew 10:28). If there is no hell, then Jesus lied. Some people who believe in the passages in the Bible about heaven, utterly reject the references to hell. Robert Ingersoll, a famous lawyer and atheist in the latter part of the nineteenth century, once delivered a blistering lecture on hell. He called hell the “scarecrow of religion” and told his audience how unscientific it was, and how all intelligent people had decided there was no such place. A drunk in the audience came up to him afterward and said, “Bob, I liked your lecture; I liked what you said about hell. But, Bob, I want you to be sure about it, because I’m depending on you.” In World War I, British soldiers had a popular song that went like this:

 

Oh Death, where is thy sting-a-ling-a-ling, Oh Grave, thy victoree?

The bells of Hell go ting-a-ling-a-ling

For you but not for me.

 

A lot of people talk about hell, use it to tell others where to go, but do not want to be confronted with the thought that it might be their destination. Hell, for them, is only where the Hitlers and Stalins should end up, along with murderers, rapists, or child pornographers. But most think that “Good People” who mind their own business, pay their taxes, and put a few dollars in the collection plate will have some “eternal rewards.”

However, if the Bible is true, we know there is abundant life after death for the followers of Christ. Those who have accepted His grace and been saved will be with Him in heaven. And what about the others? “Surely a loving God would not punish good people!” says the humanitarian or the religious person who wants to ignore the uncomfortable and unpopular descriptions of hell in the Bible. Yes, they are right in some ways, for a loving God does not want anyone to perish. The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. “He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9). However, the Scriptures are very clear. Jesus told His disciples not to fear the killers of men, because they only cause physical death. He did not mean, of course, that we are not to be concerned about murderers, but His point was a warning of something more serious than the death of our bodies. Jesus said, “But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell” (Luke 12:5). Let’s clarify a few things about that verse in Luke. First of all, it refers to God, not to Satan; for Satan cannot determine the destiny of a human soul.

Also, I know many people stumble over the idea of “fearing God.” Fear does not imply a crippling dread, but a healthy, reverent respect. All through the Bible we read about fearing the Lord. If we substitute “have deep reverence for,” we may be closer to understanding the meaning of the word.

The problem is not that hell exists, because it must if God is holy and we distinguish between the biblical meaning of good and evil. The problem is that men don’t understand how evil sin is in the eyes of a supremely holy God. Sin is not rated on a sliding scale, like a report card.

Sin is eternal separation from God and can only be pardoned

by a truly supreme sacrifice: the death of the Son

of God, on the cross-

 

In Our Time

 

Today the dying experience is more openly discussed; however, many of the accounts I’ve heard or read of those last moments tend to confuse the biblical doctrines and raise more questions than they answer. A good example is the popularity of accounts of “neardeath” experiences, in which a person claims to have approached death (or even died) and then come back to life.

It is not my purpose to doubt the sincerity of those people who have recounted their “out-of-body” experiences. Many describe near-death encounters after a cardiac arrest or other medical crisis and tell how they seemed to rise and watch as the medical team tried to revive them. Nor do I question those who tell about seeing spirits of relatives and friends who have already died, or others who have encountered a “being of light” which brings them through a tunnel into an overwhelming, ecstatic experience of such intensity that they find it difficult to describe. I have heard many such stories offered in vivid detail, and, without exception, these life-after-death experiences seem to reduce the fear of dying.

Most of the supernatural experiences we hear or read about have classic similarities. The person who is “dead” (and we’ll discuss the meaning of that word shortly) rises out of his or her body, hears strange sounds, seems to be going down a long, dark tunnel and recognizes himself hovering somewhere between life and death, and then encounters someone or something in white, or a diffusion of light. Those who return from this journey are changed persons.

These kinds of stories are not an American phenomenon. They are described by people of other cultures and nations. In addition, psychic literature and cultic practices are full of such occurrences. U.S. News and World Report, July 11, 1983, said, “While critics have labeled these experiences mere dreams, fabrications or hallucinations brought on by pain-killing drugs or release of chemicals in the brain, at least a half-dozen books have been written attempting to give scientific evidence of the phenomenon. The International Association for Near Death Studies also has been set up at the University of Connecticut to foster research in this area. Whatever the explanation, we know from extensive studies that something extraordinarily interesting happens to many people at the moment of death, says Connecticut Psychologist Kenneth Ring, who stresses that near-death experiences do not prove the existence of an afterlife but merely show that the act of dying may not be the agonizing event many people fear.” But these experiences are not the bases for eternal truths nor are they a solid foundation for our confidence in life after death. They may be dangerously deceptive. They must be examined in the context of God’s Word. The Bible does prove there is life after death and the biblical explanation of death is very clear. Each man dies once, and there are two possible results and destinations. “Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment” (Hebrews 9:27). What bothers me about the life-after-death stories is that regardless of whether the person is a believer or not, seldom in these experiences does death appear to have any negative consequences—which is a direct contradiction of the Bible’s teaching. If all death experiences are the same, there is no judgment or hell, and the Word of God is a lie. We do not presently know for certain what the source is for these “out of body” experiences. Some have even suggested they are sometimes satanic in origin, since they can deceive people about the true nature of death and salvation, and (in this view) are a satanic counterfeit of the Christian’s assurance of heavenly rest. The desire to gain a better understanding of death has been called the “new obsession.” I certainly don’t want to be unbalanced in thinking about the subject, but I am convinced that when we know where death leads, we will know the “hope of glory” spoken of by Paul in Colossians 1:27.

 

What Is Death, Anyway?

 

“Can doctors agree with God on the time to die?” This difficult question was asked by an assistant professor in the Department of Medicine, Medical College of Wisconsin. Many of us will be confronted with that question and we need to face it with an understanding of its complexity.

The Bible tells us precisely what death is. Physical death is separation of the spirit and soul from the body:

“. . . the body without the spirit is dead” (James 2:26).

But there is a far worse death, and that is spiritual death.

Spiritual death is separation from God.

To the materialistic thinker, death means complete annihilation. For the Hindu and the Buddhist, death means reincarnation. To the terrorist, death provides a way to be rewarded for his cause. Many Shiite Moslems believe that for every infidel they kill (especially Christians and Jews), they will have incomparable sexual pleasures in paradise.

Today, the whole question of “when is a person dead” is being discussed more ardently than at any other time in recent history. A relatively new discipline called thanatology (from the Greek thanatos, or death) has entered our language and classrooms. Thanatology is the study, or science, of death.

Making his investigation of death and dying in America today, David Dempsey wrote that “Our society has secularized life. In so doing it has removed death from its traditional religious context, the belief that it is part of the natural order of things. When death was viewed more theologically, when suffering itself was thought of as spiritually purifying, when men believed in some kind of afterlife that justified suffering, death was more acceptable.”

What is death? One man who has stood beside hundreds of dying persons is Chaplain Phil Manly, a compassionate man who has served at the University of Southern California Medical Center in Los Angeles for many years. With his beeper always on his belt, he is on call for any doctor whose patient is terminally ill. He has held the hands of men, women, and children at the moment of their deaths, and consoled loved ones in the midst of their grief. On the wall of his cramped office, which is in one of the largest medical facilities in the world (a center which employs some eight thousand people), Chaplain Manly keeps a chart of the number of deaths each day. He describes the medical definitions which most experts would use to pronounce a person dead.

Clinical death is when the heart stops beating, blood pressure is unreadable, and the body temperature drops. It is generally agreed that a patient is dead when the vital functions utterly fail.

Sure death is the total absence of brainwave activity. A committee of physicians, lawyers, theologians, and scientists at Harvard determined what was to be considered “brain death.” Four criteria were listed:

 

1. Unreceptivity and unresponsivity

2. No movements or breathing

3. No reflexes

4. Flat electroencephalogram

 

The most complete definition of death seems to be “an irreversible loss of the vital functions.” Death, then, is defined as the state in which physical resuscitation is impossible.

Not all physicians, lawyers, and laymen agree, however, on the definitions for the precise moment or process of death.

To complicate matters, some people have been resuscitated who were considered “clinically dead.” A friend of mine was in a hospital in Tucson with pulmonary fibrosis and Russian flu. Three times during his stay in the intensive care unit he stopped breathing and had all of the signs of being “clinically dead.” Three times he was revived by a mechanical respirator. When he was released from the hospital, the headline in the Arizona Daily Star said, “Nearly dead, now he’s home, and nurses believe in miracles.”

We know that doctors can often postpone death. The American Medical Association says, “The social commitment of the physician is to sustain life and relieve suffering” (AMA Judicial Counsel, March 1986). Today, even doctors struggle with decisions about when to sustain life.

Those who have been brought back to life after being considered dead include more than just the current examples of medical wizardry. For instance, Elijah revived a child whose “sickness was so severe, that there was no breath left in him” (1 Kings 17:17 NASB). In fact, faithful Elijah could have used what we call artificial respiration on the boy, because it says that he “stretched himself upon the child three times, and called to the Lord, and said, Oh Lord my God, I pray Thee, let this child’s life return to him” (1 Kings 17:21 NASB). Elisha was another biblical character who never had a Red Cross CPR course. Yet he went into the home of the lad who was laid out on his bed and proclaimed dead, prayed, and then “went up and lay on the child, and put his mouth on his mouth and his eyes on his eyes and his hands on his hands, and he stretched himself on him; and the flesh of the child became warm” (2 Kings 4:34 NASB). I have the greatest respect for the medical profession, having been in the competent care of fine doctors, especially at the Mayo Clinic where I get my annual physical. However, I also realize that sometimes they are in the unenviable position of not being able to determine a true definition of death. While the physicians cannot have the final power over death, they can achieve temporary power over it. This is the doctor’s dilemma—and the patient’s, too.

Sometimes the issues of death become so complicated that we are again reminded of Job’s question in the midst of all his extreme suffering. He asked, “But where can wisdom be found? Where does understanding dwell? Man does not comprehend its worth; it cannot be found in the land of the living” (Job 28:12, 13). Here is a sample of the many instances where man’s wisdom is severely taxed:

In 1968, a sixty-two-year-old man named John Stuckwish received a transplanted heart from Dr. Denton Cooley and his team at St. Luke’s Hospital in Houston. The donor was a thirty-six-year-old man named Clarence Nicks. Nicks’ brain had been damaged beyond any possibility of returning to its normal functions by a beating he had received at the hands of a group of attackers. There were no signs of electrical activity in the brain and there was no spontaneous respiration. It is critical, however, that his heart continued to beat for some time. Dr. Cooley and his team took the heart from Nicks’ body and placed it in that of Mr. Stuckwish. The ethical questions arise when one begins to reflect on the relationship of the surgeon, the donor, and the donor’s attackers. The people who beat up this donor have now been arrested. They pleaded in their defense that Nicks was not dead at the time the heart was given; his heart was still beating. The attackers even went beyond that to accuse the physician who removed the heart of murdering Nicks. To complicate matters, one physician had pronounced Nicks dead at the time his brain stopped and his respiratory functions stopped, while another physician specifically disagreed. Surely, the definition of physical death is a complicated, delicate decision—and I would not pretend to give a final scientific answer to that question. We know God may occasionally add time to a person’s life, even when others determine he has gone. What some may think is the conclusion of a life may only be the closing of a chapter, not the end of the book. For instance, in the Old Testament, King Hezekiah was mortally ill, but the Lord said He would heal him and add fifteen years to his life. Jesus brought the daughter of Jairus back to life, and Lazarus was raised from the dead after being in his tomb for four days.

I believe God allows physicians to use their modern technology to extend physical life today in a way that is unprecedented in human history. I am constantly in awe of the tenacious qualities in the human spirit, and also of the ability of skilled physicians to treat crisis after crisis and somehow manage to pull the patient through. At the same time death is a reality, and is still the ultimate event we must all face.

Is it any wonder that people study, discuss, and evaluate death today? A young minister told about a series of seminars that were held in a Los Angeles church. Out of the five different subject areas offered, the one with the largest attendance dealt with “Death and Dying.” At the University of Southern California, a very popular course is “Religious and Ethical Issues in Death and Dying.” U.S. News and World Report did a special report on “A New Understanding about Death” (July 11, 1983). Now that the taboo has been lifted, it is more important than ever for Christians to get involved in some of the great questions about the process of dying. The Bible has the answer to the fear of death, but we also need to understand and apply the principles in God’s Word about the dying experience.

The time to understand is now, while we are healthy and alert. Those in the mental health field, the philosophers, psychologists, sociologists, and even physicians, do not have the answers. The Bible says, “so that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom, but on God’s power” (1 Corinthians 2:5).

John Trapp, a great theologian from England, lived over three hundred years ago. He said, “There is a perfect time for a man to die, which, if he knew all there was to know about life he would choose that time and no other.”

Thank God that we can have an open, realistic discussion of death. We need the wisdom of God to live our complicated lives, and even more so for the inevitable conclusion.

 

CHAPTER THREE

KING OF TERRORS

 

“The truth is that all of us have our time to die, and the conspiracy of silence that so often surrounds death today cannot change that fact . . . within most of us is a strong desire to hold on to physical life as long as possible.”

He is torn from the security of his tent and marched off to the king of terrors.

Job 18:14

 

The conversation at the party became hushed as someone reported that a friend had just been told he had incurable cancer. A psychiatrist—a strong, handsome man who was a prominent member of the social and professional community—said, “I’m scared to death of dying.” He smiled sheepishly at his feeble pun, but he had honestly expressed what so many people feel. In spite of rapid and ever-increasing advances in medical technology and pain relief, no one has found a way to lessen people’s fear of dying. This is not some new psychosis but a condition as old as man. David, the bold youth who defied the giant Goliath, the king who pursued his enemies and destroyed them, is the same man who cried out, “My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me. Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me” (Psalm 55:4, 5). Age and circumstances often dictate the degree of fear a person may feel when facing death. David did not say those words when he was a teenager facing Goliath, but when he was older and had experienced sickness and betrayal by friends. Sometimes the fear of death grows significantly with age.

Jesus’ disciples were rugged men, physically toughened by living outdoors and traveling long distances on foot. And yet when they were caught in a sudden storm so common in the area of Galilee, they shouted in desperate fear, “Lord, save us! We are going to drown!” (Matthew 8:25). They were terrified that they were going to die.

My friend, Jack Black, has defined fear as “an emotion that speaks of dread, fright, alarm, panic, trepidation, and consternation.” All human beings capable of thinking manifest these emotions. Thus, fear is universal in all times and places. It is a normal, human response to the unknown. And death, the experience of death, is an unknown.

Is there more fear of death today than there was before technology enabled us to prolong life? Many people think so—although we try (as we have seen) to hide it or suppress it. Some psychiatrists say that fear of death fosters a variety of psychoses. Others believe that fear is intensified by the medical emergencies which cause them to be treated more like a thing than a human. Another indication that the fear of death has become more prevalent comes from the fact that 80 percent of the people in the United States die in hospitals or convalescent centers instead of at home. Dying can be a lonely business. David Dempsey says, “Most hospitals in this country share at least two characteristics: they do their best to conceal from the patient the fact that he might be dying, and when the fateful time draws near they isolate him from family and friends.”

 

Conspiracy of Silence

 

Some believe that telling the truth to a person who may be dying is destructive to his morale. The patient’s resigned comment, “I think I’m going to die,” may likely be met by the reassuring deception, “Now don’t talk like that. You’ll probably outlive us all.” This kind of deception is practiced by medical personnel as well as by family, thinking they are being kind and acting in the patient’s best interest. The “conspiracy of silence” is based upon the assumption that people don’t want to think about death, especially their own. However, studies indicate that most people are willing to think and talk about dying, even though they may be frightened by the idea. Certainly I wouldn’t want anyone to give me forced cheerfulness when what I need is honesty and love.

My wife Ruth told me about a pastor’s wife who was dying of cancer. She knew it, and so did her family. But they kept telling her she was going to recover. One day a friend called on her, and the sick woman said, “I know I’m dying, but nobody will talk to me about it. Please tell me about heaven.” For more than an hour they had a marvelous time, laughing and talking about her heavenly home.

Another woman told me about a visit with her brother who was in an isolation ward in intensive care. She was gowned and masked to help shield him from possible infection, so he could not see her smile or feel the touch of her hand. Nor could he move from one position because of the tubes attached to his body. She thought she should keep a positive attitude, so she said to him, “You’re going to walk out of here someday, Bert.” Tears flooded his eyes as he shook his head feebly and pointed one finger up. He was trying to tell her that he was on his way to heaven.

The man died two days later and his sister said she regretted she hadn’t given him reassuring words about his eternal home, rather than offering him false expectations. There is a fine line between hope and compassionate honesty. Only the wisdom of God can guide us in moments like these.

The truth is that all of us have our time to die. The conspiracy of silence which so often surrounds death today cannot change that fact. Of course, within most of us is a strong desire to hold on to physical life as long as possible. I could relate many of the stories I’ve heard about how the timing of death is often determined by a person’s desire to live for a certain goal. One of my friends told me that when he and his wife, Joannie, were on an extended trip in Europe, his wife’s father in Illinois was given only a few days to live. He rallied long enough to say, “I want to see Joannie again.” He asked that his daughter and son-in-law not be told how serious his condition was, because he didn’t want to spoil their trip. They returned home as scheduled, and ten days later her father died peacefully in his daughter’s loving arms. A sociologist, David Phillips of the State University of New York at Stony Brook, reported that terminally ill people tend to hang onto life until they reach some date that is important to them—a wedding anniversary, a birthday, a religious holiday. “This appears to be particularly true for the famous because of the attention they receive on such occasions. Phillips found that these notables were less likely to die in the months preceding their birthdays, and more likely to die in the three months following them. It is interesting, for instance, that both Thomas Jefferson and John Adams died on July 4, fifty years to the day after they had signed the Declaration of Independence.”

I remember when I heard of the death of Corrie ten Boom, the remarkable Dutch woman who hid Jews from the Gestapo during World War II and later was sent to the infamous Ravensbruck concentration camp. Her sister died in camp, but Corrie was released, and for more than thirty years she traveled the world, telling her experiences and writing books. Corrie’s story received national attention in the movie, The Hiding Place, and in the many books she wrote. For the last few years of her life her friends and co-workers made quite an occasion of her birthdays. She was bedridden and unable to speak for the last five years of her life, but she truly loved parties. Corrie died on her ninety-first birthday, April 15, 1983. As one friend said, “What a birthday party she must have had!”

Corrie died in God’s good time, at the end of a long life lived for the glory of God.

On the other hand, there are many who die prematurely, having reached a point in their lives when they feel they have no more goals left. Idle retired people reportedly have a shorter life span than those who continue with purposeful activity. We have all heard stories of a bereaved husband or wife surviving less than a year after the death of a spouse. When love is gone, life is gone. And unless we can feel needed by someone, life seems meaningless.

David Dempsey’s study relates that “one survey of 260 persons sixty and over found that only 10 percent answered the question, ‘Are you afraid to die?’ in the affirmative. The authors believe that the high percentage of those who said they were not afraid can be accounted for by an almost as high (77 percent) number of persons who professed a belief in some kind of afterlife.”

That is an interesting statistic. It shows the peace of mind we gain through faith, even when the vigor of life is somewhat diminished. The challenge we have as believers is to do our best to ensure that the “afterlife” in which so many put their trust is the genuine article and not a false front, like a house on a movie set. The fear of death is not universal. Many factors such as age, physical health, family, social, and religious backgrounds make a difference. There are times when you hear people say, “Oh, I wish I could die.” And yet, after a bout in the hospital or a near brush with death, the same person might say, “It’s great to be alive!” More than likely it is the process of dying that frightens people—not death itself. Chaplain Phil Manly said that as a hospital chaplain he has seen many people die very peacefully. Physicians have told me that while the body is fighting for survival, there may be severe suffering, but in life’s closing moments the words “He died peacefully” have real significance.

G. K. Chesterton said, “The Lord of compassion seems to pity people for living, rather than for dying.” Isn’t it true that many of the experiences in life we fear because of the anticipation, but when we actually encounter them they lose much of their terror? I have watched people become physically pale and weak at the thought of speaking before a group. Then, after their initial fright, the feeling of having conquered that fear is exhilarating. I suspect death is like that. Its power to terrorize fades as we near the actual moment of passing. Attitudes toward Death: The World and the Cults One of the most common attitudes toward death is denial, which says, “I don’t want to think about it.” The attitude is not necessarily bad, unless it means we never come around to facing the facts. It is certainly not my intention to have my daily thoughts caught up in the subject of death. In some cases doctors have said that death denial may be therapeutic. An attitude of “I’m not going to die!” may be an affirmation which prolongs life. Another approach to death is to laugh. Some of the most soft-hearted people are the ones who say, “I’m too mean to die.” Humor becomes the protective mechanism that allows us to laugh at ourselves and defy the specter of death. We can hide the fear with a chuckle, which may not always be such a bad idea!

Then there is irrational fear. It can take the form of anxiety that cripples our spirit of daring, or develops into an emotional illness, or phobia, very much like the fear °f high places, or crowds, or travel. “Necrophobia,” the pathological fear of death, is a fear that stifles ambition and can smother spouse and children through overprotectiveness. It was this sort of intense fear that the writer to the Hebrews addressed when he told how Christ, through His death on the cross, broke the power of the devil to “free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death” (Hebrews 2:15). The man or woman without Christ can become a slave to fear. Another common attitude toward death is that it is like a bridge. The principle is that death is a transitional state, a state best seen in the idea of some cults that death is a transition into a happy, bright spirit world of souls who have “crossed over” to a “cosmic” eternity. Spiritism, Eastern mysticism, reincarnation, and countless other occult beliefs offer seductive answers which remove the fear of death but at the expense of denying God’s truth.

It is not my purpose in this book to discuss the various beliefs of the cults in detail, or the dangers of believing in a “mystical transition” into another existence, or another life. I want to show that there is a better, surer way to life after death, and that is God’s way. Without that assurance, you will never have permanent peace in your life. The cults offer seductive answers that are not grounded in truth. Some are so ludicrous that we wonder how any rational person can believe them. Dr. Sheldon B. Zablow, a San Diego psychiatrist who treats former cult members, said there are over 2,500 cults operating in the United States. He said that some people do see improvement in their lives for a brief time after entering a cult. “They sometimes give up drugs and alcohol but sacrifice the ability to think and reason. The group becomes the focus of their entire lives. The most disturbing thing is, these are people with serious emotional problems.”

A story in a West Coast newspaper told of a cult that has thousands of devotees who believe in reincarnation. Its founder believes she is Mary Magdalene and claims to have lived former lives as Bathsheba, Mona Lisa, and Maria Theresa of Austria. If people can believe they will return as another person, then their responsibility for this life is no longer so important. After all, they believe, we get another chance . . . and another, and another. It becomes increasingly evident that the way we view death determines, to a surprising degree, the way we live our lives.

 

Is Fear Unreasonable?

 

I once heard a man describe his life on a sheep ranch in New Zealand. As he told about the unusual stupidity of sheep, I could see how the frequent references to sheep in the Bible really do apply to us. We follow the crowd. We are helpless when we are attacked, especially if we are attacked by fear. No wonder Christ, the Good Shepherd, continues to assure us, “Fear not, little flock.” It may not be a flattering picture, but without His guidance we “baa baa” and wander aimlessly through life, searching for green pastures and stumbling over rocks. “For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls” (1 Peter 2:25).

In the great classic, Pilgrim’s Progress, Mr. Honest is asked by Mr. Great-heart about one of the Pilgrims. “Did you know Mr. Fearing, who came on the pilgrimage?” Mr. Great-heart asks. Honest replies, “Yes, very well. He was one of the most troublesome pilgrims that I ever met in all my days.”

Granted, Mr. Fearing is, as John Bunyan described him, “a troublesome man.” But there is something of Mr. Fearing in all of us. Fear is a very painful emotion, one which may immobilize us or cause more pain than a physical blow.

The greatest fear comes when God is a stranger— when our voices and hearts cry out, “God, help me,” but our words are muffled because we do not know Him. What do sheep do without a shepherd? They stumble in the darkness. The Bible says, “We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way” (Isaiah 53:6). And that’s our picture: going in all directions, bumping into each other, and not being able to find our way home. Fear stalks our every turn. Reflecting on his years as a pastor, the Rev. Jack Black once told me, “My ministry was filled with persons who feared death; not a natural fear but an anxious fear almost becoming hysterical. Inevitably those persons so described had little or no religious identification, had no close family, had massive egos but low self-esteem, and were bored with life. Compare this human tragedy to the passing of a poor soul, leaving this world surrounded by family and loved ones. Our culture trains us to prepare for almost everything but death. And I include the churches because I have rarely ever heard any public utterance on the subject.”

The Bible refers to fear more than 500 times, generally telling us not to be afraid. There are so many “fear nots” that we could probably have one for every day in the year—and then some! Look at a few of them:

 

“Fear none of those things” (Revelation 2:10 Kjv).

“Fear not, for I am with thee” (Genesis 26:24 KJV). “Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord” (Exodus 14:13 Kjv).

“Fear not [your enemies]” (Deuteronomy 3:2, 22 Kjv).

“Fear not them which kill the body” (Matthew 10:28 Kjv).

“Fear not: believe only” (Luke 8:50 Kjv).

“Fear not; I am the first and the last” (Revelation 1:17 Kjv).

 

But wait. What do we do with the “fear of the Lord”? If the Bible says “fear not,” and yet it also says “fear,” which does it mean? The answer is: both. Fear is a twofold word. It refers to an emotion marked by dread and anxious concern. But it is also the word that means awe and profound reverence. This is the fear that inspires trust and confidence.

When we fear God, we don’t cringe before Him like a prisoner robbed of his freedom by a ruthless dictator. Our fear is a love which causes us to treat Him with respect. This is what the prophet Isaiah meant when he said, “The fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure* (Isaiah 33:6). It is a reverence that comes when we see the majesty and holiness of our loving heavenly Father. There is no shame in being afraid; we’re all afraid from time to time. But there’s an interesting paradox here, in that if we fear God with all our hearts, there will be nothing else to fear. When I see a child placing his little hand confidently in the bigger hand of his father, I recognize the sort of fear that fosters trust. When it rains and then freezes over in our mountains in North Carolina, the winding roads become treacherous. I can remember walking with my children, slipping and sliding through the woods. When they held my hand, the children were less afraid. It was up to me not to let them fall down. Our heavenly Father asks us to place our trust in Him and He will steady us.

 

Was Jesus Afraid?

 

We know that Jesus was the only person in history who was born without sin, who lived without sin, and who died sinless. Since that is so, why did He display such anguish, sorrow, and fear in the Garden of Gethsemane? There are few episodes in the history of man more dramatic than what took place in that little garden during Christ’s final hours on earth.

It might help to imagine ourselves there and try to understand the overwhelming emotion He must have experienced. Gethsemane means “oil press.” Most of us are familiar with olive oil as an ingredient in salads or cooking. In Palestine it was, and is, a valued staple. The Mount of Olives is frequently mentioned in the New Testament and is intimately connected with the devotional life of Jesus. It was on the Mount of Olives that He often sat with His disciples, telling them of events yet to come. And it was to the Mount of Olives that He retired each evening for prayer and rest, after the weary work of the day.

The oldest olive trees in Palestine today are those which are enclosed in the Garden of Gethsemane. Visitors to Jerusalem today can look at them, but they can’t get close enough to touch them. Too many curious people have tried to deface those ancient, gnarled trees as they sought a special souvenir from the Holy Land. When olives are harvested, they are squeezed, pressed, and pulverized under an enormous revolving stone which mashes the fruit to pulp and recovers the valuable oil. It was in the Garden of Gethsemane that the wheel of humiliation, defeat, and eventually death would grind Jesus to the point of His greatest personal agony. Emotional torment is many times more difficult to bear than physical torment. At Gethsemane, the place of the press, the mental anguish was so intense that Jesus pleaded with His Holy Father for release. But only if it was the Father’s will.

How we need friends in time of testing! Jesus demonstrated His humanity when He asked His disciples to stay with Him. He wanted and needed them in His time of greatest trial. “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow, to the point of death; stay here and keep watch with me” (Matthew 26:38). Jesus moved a short distance from His friends, the ones who confidently said they would follow Him, the ones who said they would never deny Him, and He fell on the ground to pray. It couldn’t have been too long before His heavy-lidded friends dozed off. The sleepy disciples who had said they would do anything for Him couldn’t even sit up and console Him.

As Jesus prayed, His agony was great, “and being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground” (Luke 22:44). Does that seem impossible? Medical dictionaries describe this condition as “chromidrosis,” a state in which intense emotional stress may actually cause the blood vessels to expand so much that they break where they come in contact with the sweat glands. Personally, I cannot begin to comprehend such overpowering emotion. Jesus prayed three times, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will” (Matthew 26:39).

Was there a way out? Could Jesus be delivered from the horrors of such a death—at least for a time? Jesus did not take delight in His approaching crucifixion;

He loved life on this earth. He enjoyed the pleasures of walking with His disciples, holding children on His knees, attending a wedding, eating with friends, riding in a boat, or working in the temple at Passover time. To Jesus, death was the enemy. When He prayed, “if it is possible,” He wanted to confirm once again if His imminent death were truly the Father’s will. Was there some other way?

But what did He mean by His plea to “let this cup pass from me”?

In the Scriptures, “cup” is used figuratively to describe either God’s blessing (Psalm 23:5) or God’s wrath (Psalm 75:8). Since Jesus would not have prayed for God’s blessing to be taken from Him, it is obvious that His use of “cup” here speaks of the divine wrath that Christ would suffer at the Cross as He bore the sins of mankind upon Himself.

How unthinkable it seems to us for Jesus, who knew no sin, to have to bear the sin and guilt of all men. “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us” (2 Corinthians 5:21). Was there no other way of accomplishing the will of the Father without drinking that cup of wrath? This was the question Jesus was asking—and in complete obedience to the Father’s sovereign will Jesus voluntarily accepted the answer. No, there was no other way for a just and loving God to deal with our sins. Sin must be punished; if God were simply to forgive our sins without judging them, then there would be no justice, no accountability for wrongdoing, and God is not truly holy and just. And if God were simply to judge us for our sins as we deserve to be judged, then there would be no hope of eternal life and salvation for any of us—• for “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). His love would have failed to provide a way for our salvation.

The cross was the only way to resolve this awesome dilemma. The conflict of the ages was about to reach its climax. On one hand, our sins were about to be placed on Christ, the sinless One. He would be “clothed” in our sins like a filthy, tattered old garment, and on the cross those sins would be judged—your sins, my sins. He would be the final atoning sacrifice for sin. On the other hand, however, Christ’s perfect righteousness would be given to us, like a spotless, gleaming set of new clothes. Sin was therefore judged, and God’s justice was satisfied. The door of forgiveness and salvation was opened, and God’s love was satisfied. “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Corinthians 5:21).

Even as Jesus, in His humanity, struggled within Himself over this awesome predicament, He finally prayed, “Thy will be done.” This was not a prayer spoken with a sigh of resignation, but with a strong voice of complete trust. Jesus knew this meant total and absolute surrender to the will of the Father and to the needs of others. Yet, there is a mystery here that we cannot fully understand. Jesus surely experienced the overwhelming awareness of His inevitable sacrifice for the sins of the world. He knew this was His primary mission on earth, for He had said, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45).

The Garden of Gethsemane is the place where Jesus was revealed to be a true man. He was face to face with the choice between obedience or disobedience. He was not a robot programmed to obey God automatically. He can sympathize with our weaknesses, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin” (Hebrews 4:15). Satan tempted Jesus all through His ministry, but the temptations in the wilderness at the beginning of His ministry can scarcely compare to those in the garden. After three years of selfless giving and the stress of that final week, Jesus was never more vulnerable than at this moment of time.

Some skeptics have said that Jesus’ suffering in Gethsemane was a sign of weakness. They point out that many martyrs, for instance, died without the intense emotional wrestling of Jesus.

But it is one thing to die for a cause, or to die for country or for another person. It is quite another to die for an entire world, all the accumulated sins of generations past and generations to come. Jesus was to become guilty of murder, adultery, cheating, lying, and all other evil human behavior. It’s more than our finite minds can ever comprehend.

One critic of the faith said to a college audience, “Look at Socrates. He didn’t anguish over his impending death. He stoically took the hemlock. He proudly held his head high to the end.”

Socrates, a great teacher-philosopher of ancient Greece, willingly accepted the death penalty in order to remain true to his convictions. But he died only for himself. No other death in the history of mankind can be compared to the death of Jesus Christ. Many may have suffered as much or more physically, but no one suffered more spiritually. His battle against the powers of darkness, in its essence, meant the triumph of God over Satan. No mere man could defeat Satan—only the Godman, Jesus Christ.

 

Jesus’ Choice: Our Choice

 

Socrates said, “I go to die, you remain to live. God alone knows which of us goes the better way.” As I compare the differences between the deaths of Socrates and Christ, I am struck by a curious contrast. Socrates died by suicide; Jesus by crucifixion. The death of Socrates saved no one, not even himself. Christ’s death can save everyone who believes in Him. You and I must also choose between crucifixion and suicide. God has given each of us one life and one time to die. We may live for others or perish in our own selfishness. If the thought of dying for others is startling, think of what it means to say “Yes” to Jesus, just as He said “Yes” to the Father. When we accept Christ as our Savior and know that He died on the cross for our sins, we have been crucified with Him. Our sins hung on that cross, just as our Lord did.

A friend of mine walks every morning and has been memorizing Bible verses as he walks. He told me that one morning he began to repeat the following verse, and for the first time understood what it meant to be crucified.

Here is that verse:

“I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me” (Galatians 2:20 KJV). What is the alternative? Instead of Christ living in us, it would be self. To die without Christ is to take one’s own life.

Jesus had a choice, and so do we. Did He have fear? Was the “King of Terrors” with Him in that grove of olive trees, stalking Him as He prayed on the damp ground, His sweat mixed with blood? How can we contemplate such intense suffering?

But He has taken away the fear of death for those who trust in Him. We do not need to be ashamed of our fear, but we can rest assured that He will give us strength when we have none of our own, courage when we are cowardly, and comfort when we are hurting. When fear enters one’s life, which it will, the faith which God supplies will defeat the terror and give us victory. Just as knowledge is one of the greatest deterrents to fear, so will our understanding of death enable us to combat fear. The key to victory is found in Solomon’s words, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge” (Proverbs 1:7).

We fear the unknown, but we can explore that together while we are still in the land of the living.

 

CHAPTER FOUR

WHY DO SOME DIE SO SOON?

 

“We don’t own our children. God has given them to us in trust, and normally we spend eighteen to twenty years providing for their training, which represents the period of time we have to fulfill that trust. . . . However, God may transfer our children to His home at any time. “

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.

Psalm 116:15

My heart aches for the people who suffer when a child, a young person, or a loved one in the prime of life is snatched away by death. I have tried to comfort grieving members of my family or associates and friends who have experienced tragic loss. We expect the old to die, but death seems to be a cruel thief when it steals the young. Carl Jung said, it is “a period placed before the end of the sentence.”

A young man whose best friend was killed in a plane crash began a poem with these words, “It is hard to contain so great an emptiness.” Those words could be echoed by many throughout the ages.

There are no easy replies to the question of why some die an untimely death, but the Bible does provide us some answers. If we could not find in the Bible solutions to the most difficult questions of life, there would be little worth to this Book.

And the Bible’s answers do make a difference in the lives of those confronted with the tragedy of life cut short. In this chapter I have also tried to gather some of the most meaningful stories of those who have had firsthand experience. Out of their suffering we can discover some of the answers they have found.

 

Ruth’s Little Brother

 

People keep what is precious to them. My wife has a letter written by her father in 1925 that has been a source of comfort to her for many years. Dr. Bell was a medical missionary in China, where he and another doctor helped build and develop a hospital despite civil wars, bandits, and Japanese occupation. Ruth was born in North China, and it was from there her father wrote this important letter.

How amazing it is to discover that the small things we do in our lifetime may be the very touch someone needs in generations to come. Ruth and I believe her father and mother would have wanted this intimate letter to be shared with you.

Little Nelson Bell, Jr., died at the age often months, after an illness of just eighteen days. Dr. Bell wrote:

Virginia and I realized that he was going and we were with him alone when the end came. It was so sweet and so peaceful, no struggle and no evidence of pain, just quietly leaving us and going back to Him. His going has left an ache in our hearts and our arms feel very empty, but oh the joy of knowing he is safe. It has but drawn us closer to Him and given us a new tie and joy to look forward to in Heaven. We would not have him back for we know it was His will that he should go. There is no repining, wishing we had used other medicines, etc. We feel that everything that could have possibly been done was done. We had the joy of caring for him ourselves while he was sick and the memory is very sweet. He had been such a perfectly healthy baby, in some ways one of the best developed children I have ever seen and so full of life that he was a favorite with the foreigners and Chinese alike.

Virginia and I had the privilege of fixing him ourselves when he died and then Virginia immediately went to the Talbots where Rosa and Ruth were at school. She wanted to tell them herself, rather than have them hear the news thru the Chinese. They were nearly heartbroken, but it was a wonderful opportunity to bring the great hope that is ours very close and plain to them. We laid him to rest just at sunset and the service was such a sweet one and we pray was a blessing to the large number of Chinese friends who came. Virginia expressed my feelings exactly as we were leaving the little cemetery (owned by our hospital) when she said, “I have a song in my heart, but it is hard to keep the tears from my eyes.” At the grave we sang “Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow” for this had made the wonderful hope of eternity doubly precious to us. Were it not for that hope we would not be here in China.

A child is born, he may live for a short time, and then die. What good can possibly come from a short life which never was allowed to bloom, from a mind which was never permitted to learn, from a body which was placed in a grave before it had time to grow? I believe God wants us to ask questions, for only then can we find answers. The Living Bible says, “Yes, if you want better insight and discernment, and are searching for them as you would for lost money or hidden treasure, then wisdom will be given you, and knowledge of God himself; you will soon learn the importance of reverence for the Lord and of trusting him” (Proverbs 2:3-5). Trusting Him in life and, yes, in death.

 

Like a Vapor

 

Our afflictions would trouble us much less if we knew God’s reason for sending them. This is not always the case, however. Sometimes we will never understand during our lifetime why God permits some things to happen. But sometimes we are given precise answers to the meaning of a personal tragedy.

The following story is about friends of mine who discovered, after the sudden death of their eighteenyear-old son, how God can work all things together for good.

The Bible says, “Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes” (James 4:14).

Kent left home one afternoon to take his buddy for a flight in his new airplane. He never returned. His plane crashed on takeoff, and two young lives were instantly cut short. Kent was about to enter college to study aeronautical engineering, and he had aspirations of becoming a pilot with Missionary Aviation Fellowship. His parents told me that he accepted Christ as his Savior at our Los Angeles crusade in 1963. He was then nine years old, and when he was eighteen he went to be with the Lord he loved.

However, in those nine short years this young man had matured in his Christian life more than many others do in a far longer lifetime. He wrote a theme paper in his senior year in high school which showed that he had a clear understanding of what it meant to be a Christian. In that school assignment he recounted how he had gone to the crusade and become convicted that “this spiritual element was absent in my life because of what the Bible calls sin . . . . It was at this point in Graham’s talk that I decided to acknowledge what Christ had done for me by dying on the cross. I asked Him through prayer to make my life what He would have it . . . .” Yes, Kent’s life was cut short before he had fulfilled any of his greater ambitions. But had God answered his prayer to make his life “what He would have it”? His family and friends, in the years that followed that fatal crash, have seen some of the results. Many of his friends, captured by the realization of the uncertainties of life, dedicated themselves to God. One prominent doctor who attended the memorial services was so convicted that his entire life was changed. He later founded a worldwide association of Christian doctors. Kent’s parents went on to develop a ministry to those whose children were suddenly taken by accident or disease.

Clearly, God can turn tragedy into triumph. When death comes swiftly, especially to a child, the shock can be overwhelming. Without the comfort only God can provide, it is quite difficult to console the stricken loved ones. One woman wrote about finding her six-year-old son crushed beneath a pile of logs behind a sawmill. She said, “Being a nurse, I knew immediately that he was critically injured. I asked the country doctor, who had been summoned from a nearby camp, if we shouldn’t get him to a hospital. Standing up, and speaking with a slow Vermont accent, he replied, ‘A hospital’s not going to do him any good—might better take him to a morgue.’ It was then that I realized as I knelt beside his broken, bleeding body, that Craig had gone Home. “I looked up at the friends and folk who had gathered around and said, ‘Do you know where Craig is now? He’s up in Heaven with the Lord. He took the Lord as his Savior last spring, and I know he’s safe in the arms of Jesus.’

“Humanly speaking, I would have been down hysterically beating the ground and sobbing my heart out, but the Lord gave me peace and strength when I needed it most. Through every minute of the days that followed, my husband and I felt His presence continuously. ‘Underneath are the everlasting arms’” (Deuteronomy 33:27). I had a handsome, bright young nephew by the name of Sandy, the son of Leighton and Jean Ford. An outstanding and fiercely competitive athlete, he almost collapsed at the end of a race his senior year in high school; the newspapers had a picture of him stumbling and falling across the finish line to beat the competition. Upon examination it was discovered he had a rare heart condition which caused his heart to beat far too fast on occasion. Determined not to let it handicap him, Sandy went on to the University of North Carolina. There he became a campus leader and president of the InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, and touched many lives for Christ through his witness. But the old problem with his heart erupted, and after much discussion and prayer the decision was made to operate.

I will never forget visiting him in the hospital on Sunday afternoon on my way from New York to my home in Montreat, North Carolina. My sister Jean came in, as well as Sandy’s girl friend, and we had a wonderful time of talking, praying, and laughing. Later I went to Winston-Salem to visit his father Leighton, who was holding a week of meetings in a church there, and we prayed and committed Sandy to the Lord. On Thursday the doctors operated, and everyone was optimistic that his problem would be solved. But they could not get his heart started again. Sandy’s vibrant young life, so full of promise and potential and dedication to Christ, had come to an end.

Our family could not help but wonder “Why?” How could we reconcile Sandy’s death with the purposes of a loving God? Ultimately we had to confess that we did not know the full answer—but God did, and He could be trusted. My wife Ruth came up with the best answer, however, by pointing out that the work God had given to Sandy was completed. Since that time a book about his life and death has become a best seller, inspiring and challenging thousands. A fund set up in his memory provides scholarships for dozens of students each year who are preparing for careers in missions and evangelism. God has used Sandy’s death to touch lives in a way no one could ever have envisioned.

As I said at the memorial service for my nephew, Sandy, “His life was not cut short, it was completed.” The late Joe Bayly wrote about the death of the young from firsthand experience. He lost three children: one at eighteen days, after surgery; another at five years, with leukemia; the third at eighteen years, after a sledding accident complicated by mild hemophilia. Joe said, “Of all deaths, that of a child is most unnatural and hardest to bear.” He did not underestimate the grief of parents. He added, “When a child dies, part of the parents is buried.”

For others to assess “the peace of God, which transcends all understanding” (Philippians 4:7) as being an attitude of indifference or callousness is a mistake. Intense emotions well up in the hearts and minds of those who suffer the loss of a child or a young person. But the Christian does have the sure promise from Jesus that “I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you” (John 14:18 KJV).

“You cannot imagine what it is like to live with a dying child,” a mother told us. Faith is tested to a degree that those of us who have never experienced such a trial cannot imagine.

Joe Bayly, who knew that testing, said, “To spoil a child at a time of serious illness is to do him no favor. Few things are more liable to give away the fact that we are uptight about him than special treatment to a child. This is the time for treatment as usual, including—hard as it may be—necessary discipline. Of course we will spend more time with the sick child.”

 

Erika’s Story

 

Erika was Lauren and Dave’s first baby. She was the picture of a beautiful child, welcomed by the congregation of the church where Dave was youth pastor. After a few months a concern began to grow because little Erika had trouble holding her head up. She was unable to control her arms, and her other physical skills were not improving. At one year of age, it was obvious that she hadn’t grown as she should. Her worried young parents took her to medical specialists and neurologists for diagnosis. The consensus was that she had a rare disease for which there was no known cure.

During her second year Erika was susceptible to any illness that came her way. She had pneumonia several times and was in and out of hospitals. Lauren began to stay away from church activities, gave up her Bible study group, and devoted all her time to caring for Erika. She thought if she guarded the child from possible infection she might get stronger.

Erika’s battle for life was frustrating for Lauren and Dave, because there didn’t seem to be anything the medical profession could do for her. Lauren recalled how she reached one of her lowest emotional points when someone thoughtlessly said to her, “It is because of your lack of faith that Erika isn’t being healed.” Early one morning Dave went to check on his little girl. He noticed that her skin was a brownish gray rather than her normal pink tone, and her doctor advised him to rush Erika to the hospital emergency room. By the time they arrived she had gone into shock, and immediate attempts were made to resuscitate her. The chances for her survival were slim. However, she was revived, and when they heard she was improving Dave said, “The time was not ripe for God to take her home. Thankful, we were trusting His care and His timing.” Lauren was pregnant with their second child, and as the nature of Erika’s illness became known to the staff doctors at the hospital, that unborn child became the object of increasing concern. A genetics specialist told Lauren and Dave that any of their future children would have a one in four chance of being born with the same disease.

One day when Dave was out of the hospital, Erika’s doctor suggested to Lauren that she should think about having an abortion. “At least consider amniocentesis to know whether you want to terminate this pregnancy,” he said.

Dave was angry when he heard that abortion had been recommended. “That suggestion is from the pit!” he wrote in his diary. “What else can be expected from someone with no spiritual receiver?”

During the next two weeks the young couple experienced a roller coaster of emotions. One day Dave wrote, “Overall we are very encouraged and feel that perhaps Erika still has a fighting chance.” But within a couple of days, he and Lauren were asked the big question: what measures should be taken to resuscitate Erika if a seizure sends her into failure? “This is agony,” wrote Dave. “How can we be involved in making such choices? We are praying that we will have God’s supernatural wisdom regarding this trial. Nothing else can possibly suffice.” The doctor who had suggested the abortion told Dave and Lauren that their stability helped him do his job. But he wondered if they were suppressing their feelings and would suffer later as a result. “We admitted openly,” Dave said, “that we cry together and hurt together when we are alone . . . sometimes with others, too. But we know a real peace in believing that God is sovereignly controlling this situation.” On the last day of little Erika’s earthly life, her parents were faced with major decisions that had to be made immediately. The doctors asked if they wanted them to employ extraordinary measures to keep Erika alive. Her parents decided it was time to say “no.” As Lauren held Erika in her arms and softly sang to her, they watched their child’s life slip away.

Erika touched lives because of her mother and father, because of the friends who visited the hospital and the churches that prayed. And Lauren and Dave have had two more healthy little daughters since Erika died. What if they had listened to medical advice to abort? Erika’s story is not a closed chapter. Her parents saw that many witnessed about God with new boldness during the time Erika was in the hospital. Lauren said, “Time doesn’t heal . . . it’s what you do with the time that heals.” As Jack Black has said, “A long life or a short life are of equal importance to God.”

 

Robin’s Story

 

Millions of people throughout the world have been touched in the past thirty years by the life of a little girl who lived two short years. Her name was Robin and she was born with borderline Down’s syndrome. She also suffered from a heart condition that gave her a very small chance of surviving for long.

One day Robin’s mother received a phone call from a minister she had never met. He said to her, “You and your husband will soon begin to receive what our Lord wants you to learn from this child. In my opinion these little children are allowed to come into this world to bless lives. Their presence teaches patience and understanding that makes those around them more godly. Mrs. Rogers, you are truly blessed by the Lord, and you may be sure that your sweet Robin will one day be rewarded handsomely in the hereafter.”

Robin’s parents are my long-time friends, Roy Rogers and Dale Evans, and the book Dale wrote, Angel Unaware, became a bestseller. Dale told of the agonizing visits to doctors, only to be told there was no hope. She told of the heart-wrenching feelings of watching a helpless child suffer.

When Dale wrote that amazing little book, it wasn’t from her own viewpoint, but as if the baby, Robin, were speaking from heaven. Robin talked about her Daddy, and how seeing crippled children always hurt him and caused him to question why a loving God would allow children to suffer. And so Roy began to read his Bible, “as though he had never seen it before.” From the experience of having an exceptional child, a new Roy Rogers was born.

Dale has said that she is grateful that the Lord sent Robin to them, for it made her walk closer to God. It has not been an easy time for Roy and Dale: two other children died at an early age. But through the lessons they have learned, the good they have done for other sufferers, and their sincere commitment to the Lord, they’re able to sing “Peace in the Valley” from the heart.

 

The Guilt Syndrome

 

Often when a child is suffering, parents will ask themselves, “What did I do wrong? How did I sin?” Guilt begins to accentuate the pain. Sometimes guilt comes in the guise of, “If only I had . . . .” and then they review again and again all of the things they think might have been done to avoid the illness or the accident. I was told of one woman who spent years blaming herself because she had taken her little daughter to a park and allowed her to play in a stream. The child caught a cold which developed into a fatal bout with pneumonia. The mother allowed her own sense of blame and guilt to plague her for the rest of her life.

Even the disciples asked Jesus, “Who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” (John 9:2). They, too, thought that affliction was something always brought about by sin.

Granted, there are diseases and deaths that are the direct result of man’s sin. We are surrounded by these every day. However, in the example of the blind man, and in the case of innocent children, Jesus had the answer. He said, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned . . . but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life” (John 9:3).

I don’t mean that parents of children who are born with an affliction, or become ill, or have an accident and die, are not sinners. We all are. However, if we believe that God punishes our children or loved ones because we have sinned, we have fallen into a cruel fallacy. Blaming ourselves leads to depression and unjustified guilt, and blaming a husband or wife may cause a breakdown in a marriage at a time when a sick child or other children desperately need the security of the family. It may shock some parents to learn that we don’t own our children. God has given them to us in trust, and normally we spend eighteen to twenty years providing for their training, which represents the period of time we have to fulfill that trust. (Don’t misunderstand me— we don’t cut them off at that point. Even when they are adults, they are our children. Relationships don’t change, only obligations.)

However, God may transfer our children to His home at any time. If Jesus were to come today and say, “I want to take over all the teaching and training of your little boy,” you would gladly let go of his hand and place it in the hand of Jesus, wouldn’t you? That is what happens when He takes a child to heaven.

 

Why “Suffer Little Children”?

 

Jesus’ disciples were irritated. The Master was tired from teaching all day, and here were all of these little kids pushing Him around. Can’t you imagine the scene? Their mothers wanted the boys and girls to touch Him, and the disciples sought to shoo the children away. But Jesus reached out and said, “Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me; for of such is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 19:14 KJV).

Translated into modern vernacular, that meant, “Let the children alone, don’t stop them from coming to Me. Don’t you know that the kingdom of heaven belongs to children?”

We must all enter the kingdom of heaven with the simple faith and trust of a child, but a special place is reserved in the heart of the Lord for the young ones. One mother of a child who died said, “I thank God for loaning us the little fellow for a few years, and for the knowledge that we will see him again when we are united with Christ after death. What a joyous reunion. What a wonderful Savior, to provide the gift of eternal life!” How true it is that the Lord must love little children, because He calls so many of them home. Our hope that those who die as children are lovingly taken by God to heaven was expressed beautifully by King David when his infant son died: “I will go to him, but he will not return to me” (2 Samuel 12:23).

 

“If I Should Die before I Wake”

 

When children mumble that little prayer, I doubt if most of them think much about it. “I pray the Lord my soul to take,” is the way it ends. Today that prayer has been neglected by most modern parents, and even banned by some. But what do we tell our children about death?

When I was growing up on a farm, death was an ever-present reality. The animals gave birth and some died. Death was not a secret. My children were reared with a menagerie of pets. Inevitably, some of them died. Somehow, without a long, psychological explanation, our kids became aware that death is part of the human experience and can be expected.

Our daughter Anne Lotz is one of the great Bible teachers in the country today. But I can remember she had a wonderful police dog when she was about thirteen years of age. The dog died. Anne of course was in tears. How she loved that dog. I remember taking her into my study and explaining to her that God was training her and teaching her for events that might happen in her life to come, and this would make her depend upon the Lord far more. We got down and prayed. And I remember that extra-special little time with Anne, never dreaming what she was to become as her life was strengthened by such events and the study of Scripture.

In fact, pets are a very good way of teaching children about death. The death of a pet may be a child’s dress rehearsal for other losses. If we treat that death with respect and dignity, answering the child’s questions, we will probably help prepare him for the inevitable encounters with the death of a friend or relative. Of course, the death of a person is a very different matter: friends and loved ones are not so easily replaced. When a child has a pet that dies, the wise parent sometimes goes out and gets a new puppy or kitten to replace the beloved pet. The child is not given the chance to grieve too long and unnecessarily. A wonderful, faithful pet becomes part of a family, and when it is gone, it is sure to be missed. But given time, a new pet can bring his own special love into a child’s life. When Ruth was a child in China she had a mongrel dog named Tar Baby. When he died, he was buried beside a wall in the compound. In 1980 when she returned to her birthplace with her brother, Clayton, and two sisters, Rosa and Virginia, one of the first things she did was look for Tar Baby’s grave. Fifty years later she remembered where that little dog’s grave was.

Whenever a child encounters death, it is important that he or she be able to talk about it. I am concerned when the members of a family keep their feelings to themselves. When our children were growing up, I was not always around to share all of their daily challenges (though I was there more than most people think). But they all tell how their Mom would be available to listen to their problems, and if she wasn’t around, her parents, Dr. and Mrs. Bell, were.

To tell children about the death of someone they love may be one of the most difficult tasks of life. But even well-intentioned misinformation can do more damage than the blunt truth.

Seven-year-old John was told that his uncle had gone to sleep. For many nights, John refused to go to sleep, afraid of what lurked in the darkness of his room. It took months for that little boy to return to his natural sleeping habits.

It is equally cruel to tell a child that the dead person has taken a trip. Death is not a trip, but a destination. Taking a trip implies that the person who died abandoned his loved ones without a good-bye, and it holds out the false hope that he may be returning. Christians must be careful to tell a child about death without making God sound cruel. “God took Aunt Betsy” may cause a child to ask, “What kind of a God would take someone away like that?” When I told my nephew Kevin that his brother, Sandy, had died, I remember saying, “Sandy is in heaven.”

The best thing we can do for a child is tell him about death without hiding facts. Visualizing heaven will give comfort, and describing a place where there is no more suffering or problems is something even the smallest child can understand. We shouldn’t be afraid to talk openly about the person who has died, especially recalling good times or funny stories about them.

 

The Facts of Death

 

Kids tend to think of death as a game to play. “Shoot ‘em dead!” is not a serious command. Our children played many games of cops and robbers or cowboys and Indians in the hills surrounding our North Carolina home. Today’s kids don their camouflage outfits and pocket their Rambo knives for the great “search and destroy.”

As they grow older, we talk about teaching “the facts of life.” The “facts of death” are natural counterparts. However, in these days of “megadeath,” with news of earthquakes in South America, plane crashes in our capital cities, hurricanes on Atlantic beaches, or starvation in Africa, we have been bombarded with images of death to the point of indifference. It is estimated that children may see as many as 15,000 graphic depictions of death before reaching adolescence. Psychologists are saying the increasing violence on television is already having serious consequences in the lives of children as they grow up.

However, newspaper accounts and images on the screen seem remote until someone you know dies. This is when we need to talk, not hide the facts. And how we talk about it is more important than the exact words we say.

After the tragic explosion of the Challenger space ship in 1986, the students in Christa McAuliffe’s class had a particularly rough time coping with their grief and the reality of their teacher’s death. The difficulty of accepting the deaths of the crew members was magnified by the impact of seeing the fateful explosion being replayed over and over on television. Those who watched the news that day will have a hard time forgetting it. However sad it may be, truth is easier for a child to handle than evasiveness. A Christian needs to deal honestly with a child’s questions about birth, the body, and the soul.

A psychologist wrote in the Los Angeles Times, “Before an adult can help a child, though, it is necessary for the adult to understand the mourning process, be able to speak about death, face one’s own mortality and understand that the most important thing is to be able to feel and express those feelings with tears, words and physical activity as an outlet for anger.” In Children’s Letters to God, a little boy wrote, “Dear God, What is it like when a person dies? Nobody will tell me. I just want to know, I don’t want to do it. Your friend, Mike.”

If I could answer Mike, I would first sit down with my arms around him and say, “Mike, everything must die sometime. When someone is dead, the body they have lived in stops breathing and moving, and seeing, and hearing. The person who had that body doesn’t hurt or worry any longer. That is his earthly body. But we also have a spirit, Mike, and when we ask Jesus to come into our hearts, we will have a spiritual body from heaven. You see, son, God tells us that we will have new bodies that are strong and healthy, that are supernatural, spiritual bodies.”

 

Losing a Loved One

 

Mike, and all the children like him, need simple, honest answers and lots of love. If Mike should have someone he loves die, he needs to be able to express himself without being judged for his actions. He may show indifference or anger. He may revert to baby habits. One friend told me about his eleven-year-old son, who developed a clinging attitude after the death of his big brother. The boy would cry if his parents wanted to go out for the evening. He wouldn’t go anywhere without Mom or Dad. He left for a weekend with the Boy Scouts and became sick to his stomach before the troop reached their campsite. Fortunately, an understanding counselor brought him home without forcing him to stay. Losing a parent through death is experienced by about one in six young people before they reach eighteen, and the statistics today on the number of children of divorce indicate that millions of young people are victims of a loss sometimes worse than death.

One of the burdens on my heart is for the churches to provide the extended arms of love to kids who are victims. A hurting, resentful child will grow into an adult who believes no one cares, and he continues the cycle of pain. Most of all, adults need to recognize that the Bible tells us to care for widows and orphans, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world” (James 1:27), and it is the obligation of the entire Christian community.

Children feel the need to talk about the death of a loved one, just as adults do. Stephen was eleven when his father died. He said in an interview, “I stayed home from school for two weeks and when I went back I wasn’t crying anymore. My friends said, ‘It doesn’t seem like you’re very sad your father died. It doesn’t seem like you miss him.’ I did feel sad, but I just didn’t want to cry in front of them, you know. One kid even said, ‘You must be glad your father died because you’re not crying.’ That remark really got me so upset that I told my mom about it when I got home. She said it was because when they saw me, it made them all think how sad they would be if their fathers died and they didn’t realize I had done all my crying at home.”

Stephen continued, “I don’t know if I’ll ever see my father again. No one really knows about heaven because they haven’t been dead yet. But I think part of my father is still with me. His body isn’t, but his spirit is. If he’s anywhere, I guess he’s in heaven with my grandfather. At night I usually pray to God and say, ‘Please help Dad and Grandpop to have a fun time up there.’”

I would like to tell all the Stephens out there that, yes, there really is a heaven. Jesus came from there and He died and has gone back to prepare a place for us.

 

What Happens to the Family?

 

When a child or young person dies, parents sometimes elevate him or her to a pedestal never attained in life. The one who is gone may become the most perfect son or daughter who ever lived, at least in the memory of mother and father. One woman told me of resenting her dead sister all her life, because her mother always talked about “little Lucille” as if she had been a saint. It is unfair to attribute virtues beyond a person’s true character. On the other hand, it can be healing to blot out the bitter memories and grasp the happy ones. A family either comes closer together as a result of death, or is driven farther apart. Nothing ever seems to remain the same. The death of a child, especially a firstborn or an only child, can place severe strains on a marriage. A psychiatrist said, “No adequate studies have been carried out, but some authorities estimate that as many as 75 percent of couples may separate after the death of a child, especially if they do not seek competent help.”

But there is help. C. S. Lewis says, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” No one likes to be shouted at, and yet God loves us so much that when troubles come, He is there to call us closer to Him.

Children may be the little trumpet players who bring us to our senses, and to our knees. “Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these’” (Matthew 19:14).

 

CHAPTER FIVE

JOURNEY THROUGH THE VALLEY

 

“Many people say they do not fear death, but the process of dying. It’s not the destination, but the trip that they dread.”

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me . . . .

Psalm 23:4

Dr. Donald Grey Barnhouse was one of America’s great preachers. His first wife died from cancer when she was in her thirties, leaving three children under the age of twelve. Barnhouse chose to preach the funeral sermon himself. What does a father tell his motherless children at a time like that?

On his way to the service, he was driving with his little family when a large truck passed them on the highway, casting a shadow over their car. Barnhouse turned to his oldest daughter who was staring disconsolately out the window, and asked, “Tell me, sweetheart, would you rather be run over by that truck or its shadow?” The little girl looked curiously at her father and said, “By the shadow, I guess. It can’t hurt you.” Dr. Barnhouse said quietly to the three children, “Your mother has not been overrun by death, but by the shadow of death. That is nothing to fear.” At the funeral he used the text from the Twenty-third Psalm, which so eloquently expresses this truth. That illustration from Dr. Barnhouse’s own experience has been used by countless preachers to help other families face their fear of death.

Many people say they do not fear death, but the process of dying. It’s not the destination, but the trip that they dread.

John Newton, a one-time slave trader, was converted and became a great preacher and hymn writer in the Church of England. Two years before his death, in 1807, he was so weak that he could hardly stand in his pulpit; someone had to support him as he preached. Shortly before he died, when he was confined to his room and unable to move, he told a friend, “I am like a person going on a journey in a stagecoach, who expects its arrival every hour and is frequently looking out of the window for it . . . . I am packed and sealed, and ready for the post.”

You may have heard of Newton; he wrote some words which are sung around the world: “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.”

 

The Dangers of Denial

 

Whether our last trip is by stagecoach, slow and arduous, or by jet, swift and smooth, the journey through the valley eventually comes to a stop. How should we travel, and how can we help the ones we love along the way?

As Christians we are constantly bombarded with attitudes and values which are contrary to biblical teaching. Even though the subject of death has come out of the closet, the denial of one’s own mortality is instinctive in most of us. No matter how well we take care of ourselves, there may come a time when we face a severe health problem. Sometimes we are not given a choice about our physical or mental condition. How can we live in a basically non-Christian culture and cope with the despair that may come when death seems near?

In her inimitable bravado, Katherine Hepburn said, “I think we’re finally at a point where we’ve learned to see death with a sense of humor. I have to. When you’re my age, it’s as if you’re a car. First a tire blows, and you get that fixed. Then a headlight goes, and you get that fixed. And then one day, you drive into a shop, and the man says, ‘Sorry, Miss, they don’t have this make anymore.’”

But a time comes when the humor becomes deadly serious. Anyone who is told he has a fatal illness cannot just laugh it off. The first reaction is, “You must be wrong.” “Not me.” Bad news is all too frequently met, first, with disbelief.

Denial can be very dangerous. A prominent urologist endured severe lower back pains over a long period of time; although he had diagnosed patients with similar conditions, he refused to get treatment until his own condition was beyond hope of a medical cure. He did not want to hear the bad news, so he opted for no news. Dr. Ruth Kopp, a Christian doctor specializing in clinical oncology, has had many years of experience with terminally ill patients. She wrote: “The first important effect of denial I’ve seen in my relationships with patients is that it produces a partial deafness. Although the hospital staff told Jesse (the patient) that he had widespread, inoperable cancer, he was deaf to much of what he had heard. He was not unique in that respect! A terminally ill patient may reject what he has heard, and then deny the need for treatment. Some will listen to the doctor’s diagnosis and then begin a round of searching for other doctors who will give them happier news. Of course, there is nothing wrong with getting other qualified opinions; this should not be considered denial. Others look for unorthodox methods and spend time and money for temporary, often fraudulent, cures for their symptoms instead of facing the reality of their condition. Denial isn’t necessarily a sign of weakness, but a normal emotion that needs to be voiced. Sometimes it can serve as a protective mechanism to shield a person from threatening situations before the individual is emotionally ready to handle them. If we persist in denial, however, we are cutting ourselves off from the help we need—from others and from God.

The prophet Jeremiah said, “You can’t heal a wound by saying it’s not there” (Jeremiah 6:14 LB). And yet we want to ignore a diagnosis about our physical state if it is unpleasant.

Chaplain Phil Manly tells a story that illustrates the force that denial can play in masking the truth. A badly burned baby was admitted to the USC Medical Center burn ward in Los Angeles. The mother was with the baby when the child died. The next day the nurse on the ward received a call from the mother asking how her baby was and what time she could visit. The nurse and Chaplain Manly were able to bring her lovingly to accept the reality of her baby’s death.

Jesus had a difficult time with the attitude of denial in His disciples. He told them repeatedly that He would be betrayed and crucified, but they refused to listen, peter even rebuked Him for saying that He was going to be killed and after three days rise again: “From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life. Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. ‘Never, Lord!’ he said. ‘This shall never happen to you!”

(Matthew 16:21, 22).

Peter knew Jesus told the truth, but he did not want to hear it.

 

When Truth Hurts—or Heals

 

The Bible tells us to “speak the truth in love,” and yet there are times when the truth seems so harsh that we play games. One way to respond when a terminally ill person is in the denial stage is to join him in the ostrich attitude. But Dr. Ruth Kopp warns, “If your response is behavior that is harmful to the individual, it is inappropriate.” Most people can’t face the fact of their own deaths twenty-four hours a day, and need to pretend, at least for a while, that the situation may be just a bad dream. We may respond to someone’s denial by avoiding it. Many people who have been told they have just a few weeks or months left have lived to laugh at the diagnosis years later. A Christian may have complete confidence that God has healed him or her, despite medical reports to the contrary. A realistic answer, given with gentleness and love, might be, “We know that God can heal, and He does. But we don’t know what He has in store for you or for me. Let’s trust the doctors for treatment, and continue to pray for healing, asking for God’s will.” One doctor said he used the “wait and see” response whenever a terminally ill person said that God had healed him or her. If He hasn’t, then they will face that reality later.

 

No One Wins

 

Some types of denial can be dangerous for the patient and loved ones. I refer specifically to the “Let’s Spare Them” game. The patient knows he or she is terminally ill. There are important things such a person wants to say to his wife and children, but he is afraid they cannot accept the fact that he may soon die, so he spares them any painful conversations. His wife, knowing her husband’s time is short, wants to keep the atmosphere cheerful, so she doesn’t ask the questions she needs to ask about the family and finances that are a burden on her heart. His family would like to tell him some of the things they never got around to saying when he was well, but they’re afraid to upset him. Everyone plays the game, and no one is a winner.

What if, instead, dying people were urged to express themselves and talk openly about their illness? And what if the loved ones listened to such concerns, instead of ignoring them? Nothing soothes loneliness or depression as much as being able to talk about those fears and concerns.

 

Job’s Friends: Who Needs Enemies?

 

Job was afflicted with so many physical and emotional problems that his name is always associated with suffering. His wealth was taken from him and his sons and daughters were crushed when a great wind demolished the house where they were dining. Job was struck with terrible boils from head to foot. His wife and brothers shunned him and children ran from the sight of him. Those who loved him turned against him. He became a joke among the people who had once respected him. Along came those “well-meaning friends” who tried to explain the cause of his pain. One “friend” told him he was being punished by God less than he deserved. Another argued if he had been pure and good, God would hear his prayers and answer him.

In various modern guises, many of “Job’s friends” are still among us today. There is nothing more dangerous than a half-truth, so let’s examine what the Bible says about the sickness, disease, and pain which usually precede all but sudden, accidental deaths.

We know that when God created Adam and Eve, they were holy and healthy. They were created in His perfect image and were to remain perfect human specimens. More than that, they were not meant to experience death. But Satan ruined these two divine masterpieces, and as a result of their decision to disobey God, sin, sickness, and death entered paradise. So, human sin was the first cause of sickness and death. Since that moment in the Garden of Eden, pain and death have been the heritage of the entire human race. “ . . . sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned” (Romans 5:12).

Even the strain of Christian service can result in sickness. Daniel was a devoted servant of the Lord, and when he saw a vision of things to come, he fainted and was ill for many days (Daniel 8:26, 27). The apostle Paul likewise experienced frequent bouts of illness and physical weakness. He recalled to the Corinthians, “I came to you in weakness” (1 Corinthians 2:3). He prayed also that God would take his problem away: “. . . there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:7b-10). I have known many Christian workers who have risked their lives and their health in serving the Lord, although I have known others whose ministries would have lasted longer if they had taken better care of themselves and learned to relax. A leading cause of sickness today is our highpressure lifestyle. Heart disease, ulcers, and some types of cancer often may be attributable to our ambitious pursuits and reckless living. We know that neglecting our need for good diet, rest, and mental habits can lead to serious physical problems. The Bible says, “My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge” (Hosea 4:6). We cannot always know or understand God’s purpose in allowing us to endure physical or mental trials. I must admit that when I see someone suffer who has devoted his life to the Lord and has led an exemplary life, I find it difficult to understand. Nevertheless, we know we can trust God and His love, even when we do not understand.

My friend of many years, the late Herbert Lockyer, in his book, All the Promises of the Bible, illuminates some of his discoveries from the Bible concerning the purposes of sickness.

One purpose is to teach us God’s laws. The psalmist said, “It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees” (Psalm 119:71).

Another purpose of sickness and suffering is to perfect the person who sins. It’s the idea that God will pull us up short to strengthen us for His purpose. “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast” (1 Peter 5:10).

Suffering is also meant to prepare us for a coming glory. Peter writes, “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed” (1 Peter 4:12, 13). Also, suffering equips us to comfort others “ . . . so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God” (2 Corinthians 1:4).

God doesn’t comfort us to make us comfortable, but to make us comforters.

In addition, suffering can give us opportunities to witness. The world is a gigantic hospital; nowhere is there a greater chance to see the peace and joy of the Lord than when the journey through the valley is the darkest.

Gene and Helen Poole were Christians who had been married for sixty-five years. When Helen was in the final weeks of her life, unable to move or speak, it was the witness of her faithful husband, spending all day beside her bed in his wheelchair, that touched the lives of the staff and visitors at the convalescent home. Perhaps you are going through a period of suffering right now. It may be because of some physical illness which has afflicted you, or it may be because of a broken relationship, a financial difficulty, or some other reason. What is your reaction to it? Are you resentful and bitter, demanding that God change your situation or lashing out at those around you for what you consider unjust treatment? Or have you yielded your life—including your suffering—to Christ and asked Him to work for His glory through your suffering, even if you do not fully understand it?

When the word came of the illness of Lazarus (who would die and then be raised from the dead by Jesus), Jesus declared, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it” (John 11:4). The same could be said of much of our suffering, as we seek God’s will and strength. The Bible warns that bitterness never solves anything, but only hurts both us and those around us: “See to it . . . that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many” (Hebrews 12:15). It also promises us that God can bring a harvest of good in our lives through our suffering, if we will let Him. “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:11). William W. Kinsley has written, “Just as soon as we turn toward Him with loving confidence, and say, ‘Thy will be done,’ whatever chills or cripples or enslaves our spirits, clogs their powers, or hinders their development, melts away in the sunshine of His sympathy. He does not free us from the pain, but from its power.” Yes, God is with us in the midst of our suffering, and He can bless us in ways we could never have imagined. Lay your burden of suffering at the feet of Christ—who suffered on the cross for you—and ask Him to help you not only bear it but experience His victory and peace in the midst of it.

 

Do We Go through Stages?

 

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross was one of the first secular psychologists to observe that there are five stages that patients and their loved ones may go through in the dying process. Most people in the medical and psychological fields agree that a person doesn’t march through the five stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance like a programmed robot. These stages may coexist, be reversed, or be skipped, but the pattern is common in many sufferers.

Marian Holten cared for terminally ill patients for more than forty years and had many experiences seeing her patients through the valley. She had been a student nurse in the 1940s when her first assignment was to sit with a dying, comatose patient. She said those were the days when there was more personal than machine care. She pulled up a chair by the bedside, prepared for a long, tedious vigil. Suddenly she was startled when her patient, who had been unable to move or speak for weeks, opened his eyes, sat up in bed and looked around. A beautiful expression came over his face, and then he fell back on his pillow, dead.

From that time on, Marian asked to be assigned to the terminally ill. She wanted to know more about the dying experience, what happened at the moment of death, and how to help her patients through those final hours.

Denial is so strong that patients will insist they are going to do things they are incapable of doing. Marian told of a young girl who was in the last stages of acute leukemia and kept insisting that she was going to Canada. How do caring people respond when they know the desire cannot be carried out? We do not need to lie, but we must be supportive. Marian taught her student nurses to make a statement which was positive. She would say, “I can see that’s something you are happy about. Tell me about Canada. Is it someplace you’ve always wanted to go?” Taking someone’s mind off his or her illness, without supporting his or her denial, is the honest way. When my mother was in her final days, Rose Adams would get her dressed to go out, even when she knew Mother would not be able to go. It was a game, but it made Mother happy, and that was the most important thing.

 

Denial through Anger and Indifference

 

Anger is another very human response from those who are very ill. One patient became so angry that when the nurse came in to take his temperature in the morning, he shouted at her, “Get out of here, I can’t stand your face.” Marian Holten remembered another time when a patient threw a full urinal at her. How can caring people handle other people’s anger? One way is with humor. Later Marian who was on the receiving end of the outburst poked her head cautiously in the door and said, “Hey, is it okay to come in now?” He laughed, realizing how unreasonably hard he had been on her, and soon they were friends.

Another type of denial is to ignore those we think are past understanding. We should never assume that people do not hear what we are saying. Among the “living dead” are those who are very much alive. Nurses report that family members, and even hospital personnel, talk around a comatose patient as if he or she were already dead. At first all the family members come to the bedside of their dying loved one. Then, they begin to return to their other activities and, just when the patient needs them the most, there is no one around. “It’s taking him so long to die,” someone says in his presence; or, “I just wish the Lord would take him and get it over with.” One nurse told how she talked quietly and encouragingly to her patient all the time she was caring for his needs, even though the doctors said he didn’t know anything that was happening. He miraculously came out of his coma and upon hearing the voice of this nurse said, “Oh, you’re the one who talked to me.”

 

Denial through Bargaining

 

Another of the stages is bargaining. A Las Vegas showgirl was admitted to the hospital and it was discovered that she was in the final stages of cancer. A year before she had discovered a lump on her breast, but she chose to ignore the symptoms. Her body was her fortune, and she refused to have it “mutilated,” as she described it. When she had to have surgery to save her life she was angry. Soon she thought her beauty was gone, but she still propped herself up in bed and spent hours every day applying make-up. She became garish looking and increasingly bitter. One day a beautiful student nurse came into the room and the showgirl looked at her and remarked to Nurse Nolten, “I would give anything if I could be like . . .” and then she cut off her bargaining plea and ended pathetically, “But I don’t have anything left to give, do I?”

Ironically, at that point she was finally past denying and bargaining and at last able to accept her position. It was then she said, “I can’t handle this alone.” When we have “nothing left to give,” God says, “All I want is you, beloved. Trust Me.” The Great Physician is willing and able to take our burdens, if we will just hand them over to Him. Life and death is not a do-it-yourself project.

 

Divine Healing: Truth and Consequences

 

When little Erika was on life-support systems, hundreds of people were praying for her healing. Instead, the Lord took Erika to be with Himself. At the same time, in another hospital, Ron Stokes was in intensive care after a severe stroke. Hundreds of people all over the country were praying for Ron. He recovered, and as a result of caring Christian friends, accepted Christ. Why did God cure Ron and not Erika? Were prayers any less fervent or the faith of loved ones any weaker in one case than the other? No, not at all. Does God heal today? Of course He does, but not always. He can heal in response to prayer and faith; He can heal through the skill of physicians or the effectiveness of medicines. When Ruth’s sister, Rosa, was a senior at Wheaton College she collapsed in chapel and was rushed to the hospital. They thought she had appendicitis. Dr. Ken Gieser, who had interned in Dr. Bell’s hospital in China, went to the hospital with her. When they operated on Rosa they discovered her abdominal cavity was filled with tubercular nodules. She had to have several months of complete bed rest. The housemother where Ruth and Rosa lived turned over the sunporch to the young patient and Ruth dropped out of school to care for her. She seemed to improve until just before she was to resume normal life when she hemorrhaged from her lungs and they knew she had tuberculosis all through her system. At the small hospital to which she was transferred, the surgeons proposed doing a phrenichotomy on one lung, permanently crushing the phrenic nerve, and a weekly pneumothorax treatment to rest the other. At that time the Bells returned from China and moved Rosa to a drier climate at a hospital in New Mexico. Ruth stayed with Rosa and watched her attitude with interest. As Ruth said in later years, “There are two kinds of hypocrites in the world, one who wants you to think that they are better than they are and one who wants you to think they are worse than they are. Rosa was one of the latter. She delighted in shocking people. She read her Bible like some people read Playboy magazine, shoving it under her pillow when someone came into the room. However, she began to read her Bible in earnest and learned that while Jesus was here on earth, no one came to Him for healing without Jesus healing them. She read where James says, ‘Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick Person well’ (James 5:14, 15). Rosa inquired and found a little church that followed those instructions; she called for the elders and they came and prayed for her. Rosa decided she could get up and lead a normal life and stopped the hospital treatments. Medically speaking, she should have hemorrhaged to death.”

Ruth remembers her father’s reaction to Rosa’s decision:

“Daddy was concerned. Being a doctor, he knew the dangers involved, but being a man of God he didn’t want to discourage Rosa if God was leading her. He talked to the godly superintendent, Mrs. Van Devanter, who ran the hospital, and she said, ‘Dr. Bell, there is something special happening in Rosa’s life. I would be careful not to discourage it.’

“Rosa resumed a normal life, her lungs expanded, and to all appearances, she was healed. Later, the two doctors who had been treating her in New Mexico, both agnostics, said to Daddy, ‘Dr. Bell, your daughter’s explanation that God healed her is the only adequate one.’” Ruth has said that, to her knowledge, from that day until this Rosa has never had a serious illness. God does heal today and He often spares lives of some who, by human standards, would be dead. Our son, Franklin, has survived many harrowing circumstances, but one is especially vivid to us. This happened while he was a student at Le Tourneau College in Texas. He was taking flight instruction and during a spring break his flight instructor and wife, another buddy, and he flew down to Florida to join us for a few days’ vacation. When they took off to return it was overcast. As they flew above the clouds, something happened to the electrical system and they lost all the lights on the plane. They descended beneath the cloud cover where they could see the lights of Jackson, Mississippi, and circled until they spotted a small airport. All the lights went on, the strobe lights were flashing, and they made a safe landing. When the pilot walked over to thank the men in the tower for being so cooperative, they said, “We didn’t even know you were coming . . . . We were just showing some friends around the airport and they wanted to know what would happen if someone came in late at night. We told them we’d turn on the strobe lights, so we demonstrated them. At that moment you came in sight and we couldn’t believe it, because we didn’t know there was a plane in the area.”

God knew Franklin was not ready to go at that time. About two years later his flight instructor was killed in a crash. Sometimes God delivers us from death, and sometimes He doesn’t. Only God knows the reason.

Ruth has a friend in England, Jennifer Larcombe, who had developed multiple sclerosis. She prayed for healing, but continued to get worse. She was besieged by people who told her that if everything was right between her and the Lord she would be healed, otherwise she must have some secret sin which she hadn’t confessed. This advice was devastating to her, because she loved the Lord with all her heart. Finally, the British publishers, Hodder & Stoughton, asked her to write a book about her experiences. The book was eventually published and was called Beyond Healing. Ruth was asked to write the foreword, and when she read the manuscript she was deeply moved. Clearly, when God said no to Jennifer, He gave her another ministry.

James said, “And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well” (James 5:15). And, yet, James himself was beheaded. He trusted God, whatever the outcome.

Soon after James was put to death, Peter was arrested and put in prison. The believers prayed earnestly for Peter, and the night before he was to be brought to trial, an angel rescued him (Acts 12:5-11). In that situation, God said “yes” to Peter.

Christians know that God answers prayer in three ways: yes, no, and later. The apostles of Jesus illustrate this beautifully. After Pentecost, the early church was persecuted severely, but they trusted God in all circumstances. All but one of these apostles died as martyrs, but they were as faithful in their deaths as in their lives, understanding that death is the believer’s translation to the presence of the Almighty.

 

Divine healing or deliverance from death is in His hands.

 

Sam was a devoted Christian who discovered that he had cancer of the mouth. As the dreadful disease developed, multiple operations took so much of his tongue and face that soon he had very little face left. His wife took him to a healing service and when they returned she told everyone triumphantly that Sam had been healed. It would be impossible to imagine what went on in Sam’s mind as his suffering became worse. He hated to have anyone see him, and yet his wife would invite friends and neighbors in and announce that Sam was healed. Instead, he died. In such a case, an unrealistic faith in divine healing can be another form of denial: a belief that comes from disbelief in our own mortality. Christians should have another view of divine healing, and that is to acknowledge God’s ability to heal—but to be willing to accept a yes or no answer. Job was God’s great example of this belief when he said, “Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him” (Job 13:15). To face the awfulness of disease or illness, knowing that unless God intervenes we will die, is simply being honest.

The psalmist says, “The Lord will sustain him on his sickbed and restore him from his bed of illness” (Psalm 41:3). What a wonderful promise to know that God is with us, caring for us in the room where we are in pain. I have visited Christians in sickrooms where the presence of Christ was so real that, even in the midst of unbelievable suffering and facing death, the patient had serenity.

 

The Remarkable Amy Carmichael

 

In 1956 I was in India and visited the Tinnevelly district of South India where Amy Carmichael had lived. Amy was the first missionary to be supported by the Keswick Convention and a woman who wrote forty books during her lifetime. She labored in the land of her adoption for over fifty-six years, never once returning to her home in England on furlough.

I had the honor of visiting the place where she spent the last twenty years of her life, bedridden due to a leg injury from an accident. It was a modest little room, with red tile floor, very few pieces of furniture, and an enormous bird cage outside the window where she could watch the birds.

She had ministered and written from her bed for all those years, and I had a feeling of awe being shown the premises by the woman who had cared for her. As I stood in that simple place, the presence of Christ was very real. Amy went through the valley of the shadow and in spite of pain and physical weakness caused a great light to be spread around the world. It was during those years she did most of her writing—books that still bring blessing to millions across the world. Elisabeth Elliot has recently written her story in a challenging book entitled A Chance to Die.

 

All Prayers Answered

 

Christians in desperate situations search the Scriptures for the many wonderful promises of God. One of our favorites is the statement made by Jesus that “You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it* (John 14:14). We claim that promise and ask the Lord to heal our loved one. But what happens if healing doesn’t come? It’s easy for Christians to feel guilty or believe our faith is weak if we pray for healing and it doesn’t take place. Believers throughout the ages have had to face the fact that God does not heal everyone who prays for healing. But our lack of faith does not determine God’s decision on healing. If that were so, He would have to apologize to all of His great servants in the Hebrews 11 Hall of Fame. Look at that cast of characters: Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, Rahab, Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephtah, David, Samuel, and all the prophets! All of these received great deliverance from God and endured incredible hardships through faith. What happened to them? “Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison. They were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated” (Hebrews 11:36, 37).

Even though God was pleased because of their faith, they didn’t receive much of the world’s pleasures. Why? Because God had a better destination, a heavenly city, waiting for them. It was not because of lack of faith or as a punishment for sin that these men and women of God were not delivered from suffering and death. We have the faith to believe that God has a special glory for those who suffer and die for the sake of Christ.

 

The Pulpit on Death Row

 

Velma Barfield was a woman from rural North Carolina who was charged with first degree murder; no one could have surmised the effect her life and death would have upon so many people. In 1978 she was arrested for murdering four people, including her mother and fiance. She never denied her guilt, but told the chilling story of her drug-dazed life, beginning with the tranquilizers which were prescribed following a painful injury.

Velma was a victim of incest as a child and the abuse of prescription drugs as an adult. After she admitted her guilt, she was taken to prison and confined in a cell by herself. One night the guard tuned in to a twenty-fourhour gospel station. Down the gray hall, desperate and alone in her cell, Velma heard the words of an evangelist and allowed Jesus Christ to enter her life. She wrote, “I had been in and out of churches all my life and I could explain all about God. But I had never understood before that Jesus had died for me.”

Her conversion was genuine. For six years on death row she ministered to many of her cell-mates. The outside world began to hear about Velma Barfield as the story of her remarkable rehabilitation became known. Velma wrote to Ruth and there developed a real friendship between them. In one letter Ruth wrote to Velma, “God has turned your cell on Death Row into a most unusual pulpit. There are people who will listen to what you have to say because of where you are. As long as God has a ministry for you here, He will keep you here. When I compare the dreariness, isolation, and difficulty of your cell to the glory that lies ahead of you, I could wish for your sake that God would say, ‘Come on Home.’” My daughter, Anne, received special permission to visit Velma Barfield many times and was touched by the sadness of her story and the sincerity of her love for Christ as well as the beauty of her Christian witness in that prison.

Before her final sentence, Velma wrote to Ruth: “If I am executed on August 31,I know the Lord will give me dying grace, just as He gave me saving grace, and has given me living grace.” On the night she was executed, Ruth and I knelt and prayed together for her till we knew she was safe in Glory.

Velma Barfield was the first woman in twenty-two years to be executed in the United States. She walked through the valley of the shadow for many years and at her memorial service the Reverend Hugh Hoyle said, “She died with dignity and she died with purpose. Velma is a living demonstration of ‘by the grace of God you shall be saved.’” Ruth wrote the following poem which was read for the benediction at Velma’s funeral service:

 

As the eager parents wait

the homing of their child

from far lands desolate,

from living wild;

wounded and wounding along the way,

their sorrow for sin ignored,

from stain and strain of night and day

to home assured.

So the Heavenly Father waits

the homing of His child;

thrown wide those Heavenly Gates

in welcome glorious-wild,

His, His the joy by right

* once crucified, reviled—

So precious in God’s sight

is the death of His child.

 

Who Cares?

 

As Christians we are responsible for one another. “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ . . . . Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers” (Galatians 6:2,10). At no time is this more true than when suffering and death touch someone around us.

Often the friends and family who care for a sick loved one touch more lives by their example than they will ever know. But many times we are at a loss to know what to do, or what to say. We stumble in awkward embarrassment, or ignore an unpleasant situation by staying away from someone who is seriously ill. However, members of a family are not meant to suffer alone. Most of us will have times in our lives when we are with people who are going through the valley of the shadow. How can we show the love of Christ? How would we like others to treat us if we were in similar circumstances? Remember the words of Jesus: “In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets” (Matthew 7:12).

Margaret Vermeer served as a missionary in Nigeria. When she was seven months pregnant, she received the report that a biopsy of a small tumor was malignant. Five weeks after the surgery to remove the tumors, she gave birth to a son, then began chemotherapy and radiation treatments. For two years she had a miraculous remission, but then gradually more tumors appeared. As her condition grew increasingly serious, she became more sensitive about the way people viewed her. Six months before she died she was speaking for women’s church groups, sharing her insights on how to care for others as she wanted to be cared for. Here are some of her thoughts:

First, be honest in sharing your feelings. Don’t bounce into the room with false cheerfulness, but admit your helplessness and concern. “I would like to help you, but I don’t know how,” is a straightforward expression of concern. Don’t play games and be evasive. Even children can cope better when people talk to them honestly.

Don’t preach a well-thought-out sermon. Christians who bring out their Bibles and read lengthy passages are not being sensitive. To share a verse that means something to you may be helpful, but wait for the signals before plunging into a lengthy spiritual discussion. Be a good listener. People will tell you what they are ready to talk about. Sickness can be a very lonely journey. When Jesus was agonizing in the Garden of Gethsemane, He didn’t want to face death alone. He asked three disciples to wait and pray with Him, but they fell asleep. What good were they?

Treat a dying person as a human being. Sometimes we treat a dying person in such a way that we make it harder on that person emotionally. We shut the people up in hospitals, whisper behind their backs, and deprive them of all the things that had made their lives rich. Familiar things are important.

One woman told me that when her mother was in a coma, she put a picture of her father, who had died many years before, on the nightstand beside her mother’s bed. Whenever the comatose woman was turned to the other side, she struggled unconsciously to face the photograph of her husband. Finally, her daughter gave instructions to the nurse that whenever her mother was turned she was to move the picture, too. The woman never regained consciousness, but she died with a smile on her face, looking at the picture.

Provide spiritual support. When you quote a Bible verse to comfort a person, be sure you know what the verse means. When Margaret Vermeer knew that she only had a short time to live, she said that she was told by her Christian friends to “give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). Does that mean to thank God for cancer? Didn’t Jesus see sickness and disease as part of Satan’s work? Look at the verse carefully. It doesn’t say give thanks for everything, it says to give thanks in everything. There is a vast difference.

When we are told that “God causes everything to work together for good,” it doesn’t mean that all things are good in themselves, but that God is making them work out for good.

Always have hope. God is greater than the situations we face. Sometimes it’s hard to find that which is positive and hopeful, but there is always something to be thankful for. Help the patient look forward to something . . . a visit from someone special . . . a time when you will be returning.

My mother loved to anticipate celebrations. A few months before she died, one of her granddaughters was going to be married. Her nurse knew that Mother was too weak to go to the wedding, but she helped her get dressed, anyhow, giving her the hope of that occasion. When Mother realized she couldn’t go, she was at peace about it. If she had been told from the beginning that she couldn’t make it, she would probably have been resentful.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross made a great contribution to the understanding of death and dying, but her conclusions stand in stark contrast to the hope of the Christian. In an interview she was asked if a patient’s religious orientation affected his view toward resignation in the end. She answered, “I have very few really religious people. The few I have—and I mean those with a deep intrinsic faith—have it much easier, but they are extremely few. Many patients become more religious in the end, but it is not really effective.”

My father-in-law, who had seen many die, said there was a vast difference between the reactions of believers and nonbelievers at the time of death.

In contrast to the anguish and anxiety of the person with no eternal hope, Christians can look to Christ for hope and encouragement. Because of our faith in Christ we do n o t “ . . . grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13b).

Whatever suffering and agony we must endure, either in our own body or for someone we love, we are assured of His presence. And ultimately we will be resurrected with a body free of pain, an incorruptible and immortal body like His. This is our future hope. The journey through the valley may be extremely difficult, but what a glorious destination awaits us when we travel with Jesus Christ!

 

CHAPTER SIX

HOW LONG IS BORROWED TIME?

 

“There has always been a ‘time to live and a time to die.’ Today, with the ability to prolong life, each one of us will probably have to face this issue ourselves or with someone we love . . . How long is too long?”

For the soul of every living thing is in the hand of God, and the breath of all mankind.

Job 12:10 LB

If I ever become so ill that only machines can keep me alive, please instruct the doctors to pull the plug.” Jacqueline Cole was forty-four years old when her husband, Presbyterian Minister Harry Cole, had to honor or ignore that agonizing request. Jacqueline had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage in the spring of 1986 and had been in a coma for forty-one days. When her case seemed hopeless, her husband reluctantly asked a Maryland judge to order doctors to let his comatose wife die, according to her own wishes. The judge determined that it was too soon to give up hope and six days later Jacqueline opened her eyes, smiled, and returned her husband’s joyous kiss. “Miracles can and do occur,” said the happy minister. “I guess we’ve muddied the waters surrounding the question of a person’s right to die.” Never before in human history has there been the urgency to debate such a vital and complex issue. There has always been a “time to be born and a time to die” (Ecclesiastes 3:2). Today, however, with the ability to prolong life, each one of us will probably have to face this issue ourselves or with someone we love. How long should we live on “borrowed time”? How long is too long? What are the medical, legal, and moral principles involved? What are the guidelines?

The issues of euthanasia and “right to die” will soon join the abortion issue as among the most vital and complicated concerns of our age.

 

We Have the Right to Die

 

Somehow we have confused the right to die with the subject of euthanasia (the deliberate killing of those who are suffering). They are not the same thing. The “right to die” is defined as the individual’s right to determine whether unusual or “heroic” measures should be taken— normally involving expensive and mechanical means of life support—to prolong life in cases where death is almost certainly inevitable. Life is sacred and given to us by God; for that reason we must never condone the deliberate, unnatural taking of life. This is a major reason most Christians who take the Bible seriously oppose abortion and euthanasia. At the same time, allowing the natural process of death to run its course is not necessarily wrong, when life can only be sustained by extreme medical measures. There is a difference between the prolongation of life and the postponement of death. Standing at the bedside of someone who has lifesustaining tubes intruding into many parts of the anatomy, we can understand how humane medical treatment could be viewed as inhumane. When the treatment of humans becomes, for all appearances, inhuman, most of us want the right to refuse such treatment. Could you make a decision for yourself on whether or not life-sustaining procedures should be used? Members of the medical profession, the Los Angeles Bar Association, and the California Hospital Association gave some recommendations on withholding and withdrawing life-sustaining treatment. The first principle applies to each one of us. They said:

It is the right of a person capable of giving informed consent to make his or her own decision regarding medical care after having been fully informed about the benefits, risks and consequences of available treatment, even if such a decision may result in shortening the individual’s life.

If we are able, we have the right to say, “Stop, no more.”

A statement issued by American Catholic bishops in June 1986 said, “We also recognize and defend a patient’s right to refuse ‘extraordinary’ means—that is, means which provide no benefit or which involve too grave a burden.”

But the right of choice by an individual is clouded. For instance, many people advocate drawing up a “living will” in anticipation of a time when they can no longer make decisions about sustaining or prolonging their lives. What is a living will? Is it something we should seriously consider in anticipation of a time when we cannot make a life or death decision for ourselves? A living will is a document written and signed by a person at a time when he or she has the mental capacity to dictate final requests. Usually the living will states that “heroic measures” or artificial means should not be used if it has been determined that the person would remain in a vegetative state or in an irreversible coma. On the surface this sounds like a good idea. Before such difficult decisions need to be made, why not clarify in advance how we wish to be treated? Unfortunately, it’s not so simple. Right now I’m in reasonably good health. If I were to write a living will it would be from the perspective of how I think I would feel under more drastic circumstances. But when that time actually arrives, I might feel quite differently. Also, the guidelines set forth by the Joint Ad-Hoc Committee on Biomedical Ethics in California wisely say that “even when a competent patient has directed withholding or withdrawing of life-sustaining procedures, it is advisable to consult with the patient’s immediate family and to give great weight to their wishes.”

Finally, there is the question of whether “living wills” might not justify more questionable practices, such as euthanasia and suicide. The Bishops’ Committee for Pro-Life Activities referred to such a possibility when they made their chilling statement: “Some living will proposals have been formulated and promoted by rightto-die groups which see them as stepping-stones to the eventual legalization of euthanasia.”

Our states do not agree upon the validity of “living wills.” Proposals have been made, therefore, for uniform laws to eliminate the differences. But is federal legislation the answer? I cannot propose or evaluate such legislation, except to comment on ethical concerns. Would such legislation be in the interests of preserving life, preventing suicide and homicide, and maintaining sound ethics in the medical profession? That’s a tall orderl Would legislation encourage communication among patient, family, and physician in the decision-making process? Most important, are all of the considerations strongly biased toward life? All of these questions would need to be answered with a resounding “yes” before considering any so-called “right-to-die” legislation. Each one of us needs to consider these subjects carefully and prayerfully and be alert to such issues as they become public matters. Also, we must each consider whether a “living will” is a document that we, ourselves, would want to write. And since these decisions affect our loved ones and families, it is important to discuss our feelings with them. And finally we must understand that, as it was for Jacqueline Cole, the final determination is in God’s hand.

 

What Is “Passive Euthanasia”?

 

The phone rang and all conversation stopped. A friend of our family, who was at a bon voyage party for her upcoming departure for Europe for a writing assignment, had just finished telling of her concern for her mother who was on life-support systems in a distant state. Our friend had been assured by the doctors and members of her family that there was nothing she could do and that she should go on her trip as she had planned. Now the doctor was calling her long distance. “Your mother is in extreme discomfort, and it is the opinion of myself and the staff at the hospital that her condition is irreversible.” He continued to describe her mother’s condition and then asked the dreaded question, “Do you wish to have heroic efforts continued?”

“I don’t know. I’ll have to consult my brother,” choked the distraught daughter. “Please tell me what ‘heroic measures’ means.”

The doctor described the purpose and result of each tube, injection, and treatment. As the medical terminology was quoted, my friend began to shake and grow cold. “You’re asking me to make a decision about killing my own mother,” she cried.

Later, however, with the consent of her brother, the counsel of her minister, and a circle of prayer with her friends, the daughter told the doctor to discontinue the life-sustaining or “heroic” measures.

What my friend was forced to decide was when to permit what is termed today as “passive euthanasia.” Although those words send shudders through most of us, the definition is important to understand. Passive or negative euthanasia means to discontinue or desist from the use of “extraordinary” life-sustaining measures or “heroic” efforts to prolong life in cases judged hopeless. It is refraining from action that would probably delay death and, instead, permitting death to occur naturally. My friend’s mother was then eighty-seven years old. To everyone’s surprise, without the life-support systems she lived to be ninety-three. Even when we think we “play God,” we may be fooled. The wisdom of God is greater than the foolishness of man.

Even the definitions of life-sustaining measures vary. A committee on biomedical ethics comprised of members of the medical and legal professions said:

“Life-sustaining procedures are defined as interventions which artificially sustain, restore, or supplant a vital function and which serve only to artificially prolong the moment of death where, in the judgment of the attending physician, death is imminent whether or not such procedures are utilized.”

In March of 1986 the American Medical Association Judicial Counsel gave the following opinion of “Withholding or Withdrawing Life-Prolonging Medical Treatment.” Since most of us as laymen would not have access to this information, I think it is important to include it. This information was printed in the Christian Medical Society Journal, summer 1986.

The social commitment of the physician is to sustain life and relieve suffering. Where the performance of one duty conflicts with the other, the choice of the patient, or his family or legal representative if the patient is incompetent to act in his own behalf, should prevail. In the absence of the patient’s choice or an authorized proxy, the physician must act in the best interest of the patient. For humane reasons, with informed consent, a physician may do what is medically necessary to alleviate severe pain, or cease or omit treatment to permit a terminally ill patient whose death is imminent to die. However, he should not intentionally cause death. In deciding whether the administration of potentially lifeprolonging medical treatment is in the best interest of the patient who is incompetent to act in his own behalf, the physician should determine what the possibility is for extending life under humane and comfortable conditions and what are the prior expressed wishes of the patient and attitudes of the family or those who have responsibility for the custody of the patient. Even if death is not imminent but a patient’s coma is beyond doubt irreversible and there are adequate safeguards to confirm the accuracy of the diagnosis and with the concurrence of those who have responsibility for the care of the patient, it is not unethical to discontinue all means of life-prolonging medical treatment. Life-prolonging medical treatment includes medication and artificially or technologically supplied respiration, nutrition or hydration. In treating a terminally ill or irreversibly comatose patient, the physician should determine whether the benefits of treatment outweigh its burdens. At all times, the dignity of the patient should be maintained.

These legal guidelines are, according to a Christian doctor, “very permissive toward withdrawal of all lifesustaining measures.”

Most of the time I see issues as right or wrong, black or white. However, searching for God’s will in the matter of life-sustaining measures is perhaps one of the most difficult decisions we will ever have to make. The prestigious New England Journal of Medicine said “few topics in medicine are more complicated, more controversial, and more emotionally charged than treatment of the hopelessly ill. Technology competes with compassion, legal precedent lags, and controversy is inevitable” (“The Physician’s Responsibility toward Hopelessly ill Patients,” 310:955-959).

The doctors’ dilemma is our dilemma, too. It is a complicated, emotionally charged issue which many of us may encounter in our lifetimes.

 

What Is “Active Euthanasia”?

 

Active euthanasia is an act of commission, rather than omission. Its proponents contend it is a positive merciful act taken deliberately to end futile suffering or a meaningless existence; it could involve lethal drugs or the withholding of nourishment. Christians, however, would strongly disagree with this view.

In most cases, this constitutes a criminal act. But not always. Take the case of author Betty Rollin, who revealed her role in helping her mother commit suicide. In the spring of 1986, the New York writer told a luncheon meeting of women how she provided the capsules which ended her mother’s life. The elder woman had ovarian cancer and had pleaded with her daughter to help her die. “Rollin and her husband called dozens of doctors across the country before an Amsterdam physician gave them a combination of pills that would be lethal, yet painless.”

In her book about this experience, Betty Rollin wrote about how she came to make such a decision and how she dealt with the implications of it. Later, it was reported, “Rollin calmly said, ‘I knew that at worst I would be arrested. And that at best I wouldn’t be arrested.’” As far as I know, she was never arrested, nor did she face much opposition in her act.

Where do we go from here? Are we just a breath away from euthanasia on demand? There are groups in America and many other nations who vocally support it as a means of preserving “human dignity” and eliminating needless suffering.

Some doctors have also gone on record in support of active euthanasia. Dr. Christiaan Barnard gained a great deal of notoriety after performing the first heart transplant. His views on euthanasia and suicide were published a few years ago in a book, Good Life, Good Death. He writes, “I have no deep conviction in the existence of a personal God or in the geography of an actual heaven or hell. To that I must add, on the other hand, that I have not dismissed the possibility of life after death.” Dr. Barnard said that he never practiced active euthanasia, since in his country it is regarded as murder and could merit the death penalty. But, on the other hand, he says, “I believe that in the clinical practice of medicine, active euthanasia has a definite place.” Ten thousand irreversibly comatose patients are currently institutionalized in America, according to medical estimates. When the AMA stated its guidelines on the discontinuance of life-prolonging treatment, one of the statements included withdrawal of medication and artificially or technologically supplied respiration, nutrition, or hydration. Now we are talking about food and water.

Elizabeth Bouvia, a quadriplegic cerebral palsy patient, made national headlines in her fight to be allowed to starve to death. At first a judge refused her request. She became the object of bitter legal battling. While hospital officials and the American Civil Liberties Union took sides, the public debate brought the issue into the open. Finally a California appeals court ordered the removal of her feeding tube. As of this writing, however, she is still alive by her own choice.

But there is more at stake here than the life of one individual. Some have said that removal of food and fluids is frighteningly reminiscent of Nazi Germany where “useless mouths” weren’t fed. Dr. Leo Alexander, consultant to the office of the Chief of Counsel for War Crimes wrote about how German physicians started a trend which resulted in the euthanasia of 275,000 people before the war began:

It started with the acceptance of the attitude, basic in the euthanasia movement, that there is such a thing as a life not worthy to be lived. This attitude in its early stages concerned itself merely with the severely and chronically sick. Gradually the sphere of those to be included in this category was enlarged to encompass the socially unproductive, the ideologically unwanted, the racially unwanted, and finally all non-Germans. But it is important to realize that the infinitely small wedged-in lever from which this entire trend of mind received its impetus was the attitude toward the nonrehabilitatable sick. I am not so sure it couldn’t happen again. Even the possibility is enough to keep us ever vigilant against attempts to encourage or promote euthanasia.

 

The Inevitable Will of God

 

There is a rising tide of opinion in favor of active euthanasia. Prominent physicians are heard to say that “prolonging life is cruel.” As compassionate as this observation may seem on the surface, there are important biblical standards which both Christians and non- Christians must consider.

From the biblical perspective, we know that death is inevitable, but not to be hastened. Human life is given by God and is precious. “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well” (Psalm 139:14). God can and may intervene to restore someone who was considered a terminal patient. “I put to death and I bring to life, I have wounded and I will heal, and no one can deliver from my hand” (Deuteronomy 32:39).

“Lord, let me die,” is a prayer and a plea offered to God by many throughout the ages. Moses was not ill, but he was grieved about the burden the Lord had given him. He looked at his people grumbling about their food and their living conditions, complaining until Moses must have reached his limit. He’d had it. He said to God, “If this is how you are going to treat me, put me to death right now” (Numbers 11:15).

But the Lord was not finished with Moses yetl He went on to lead his people through the wilderness and to the boundaries of the Promised Land.

Elijah had killed the prophets of Baal, yet when the evil Queen Jezebel swore she was going to get even, the fearless Elijah ran into the wilderness, sat down under a juniper tree, and cried out, “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors” (1 Kings 19:4).

But the Lord sent an angel to supply him with food and water; essential ingredients for life! The Lord was not finished with Elijah yet.

And think about Job. He had boils all over his body. His flesh was eaten by worms. His skin was oozing and decaying like rotten turnips. He was so shriveled and thin that his bones were sticking out and he had gnawing pains and frightening dreams. Under such circumstances, most of us would cry out, as Job did, “that God would be willing to crush me, to let loose his hand and cut me off!” (Job 6:9).

But the Lord was not finished with Job yet, either. If we had been with Job in his pain-wracked, miserable situation, would we have taken away his food and water, and allowed him to starve and dehydrate? The Bible does not give us clear-cut answers on how to treat people in a “vegetative” state. However, the Scriptures are very clear about caring for the weak and defenseless. While “pulling the plug” may not result in death, denying food and water means certain death. Dr. David Schiedermayer, from the Center for Clinical Ethics, Pritzer School of Medicine, University of Chicago, said, “Our courts and our society are rapidly moving toward approving the withdrawal of food and water from patients. As a clinician and as a Christian, I share the concerns of many who feel this is morally wrong. If this is not the time to speak up, then there will never be a time. Food and water have always been worth fighting about.”

While all must sympathize with human suffering, practicing “active euthanasia,” either through the use of lethal drugs or denial of food and water, violates the Judeo-Christian code of moral conduct.

 

Is Suicide the Way to Go?

 

The old Eskimo is sick and knows he is dying. He walks out into the cold, killing world and falls into a freezing slumber. His family did not abandon him. They supported him in this act of suicide. It was their way of life—and death.

To many peoples of the earth, death is intimately related to group survival. Legends from Iceland, Greenland, and Siberia tell us that suicide is normal when life has no other meaning.

Ritual suicide was practiced by peoples of Africa and South America where the deaths of wives, servants, and members of the court would follow the death of the king. Of the major world religions, Shintoism, Buddhism, and Hinduism allow suicide, but Catholicism and Judaism condemn it.

Today, suicide is committed in startling numbers by teen-agers, cutting short promising young lives. Men and women take their own lives to avoid the problems or responsibilities of living. In many cases serious emotional illness is involved, in which the person may not be fully rational or responsible for his or her actions. Others, a smaller percentage, are the people who are severely ill and near death, who seek a way of escape. Suicide is a crime in America, as is attempted suicide. Aiding a suicide is tantamount to homicide. But there are those who lobby to make it a legal and acceptable possibility.

A few years ago Time magazine had a story about a British society which issued a pamphlet on “How to Commit Suicide.” It listed methods, gave specific drugs, and advised against such methods as shooting, slashing wrists, or jumping from buildings.

This is a painful issue for many people who struggle with feelings of despair and hopelessness. And while the Bible does not give us detailed direction on this subject, it does come down firmly on the side of life and hope, and that should inform us as we consider this and the many related issues.

In many cases, the real burden of suicide falls upon those who are left behind. Anne-Grace Scheinin, a woman who had attempted suicide many times, wrote a strong argument against taking one’s own life. She spoke from personal experience, using the example of her own mother who had committed suicide: “There is something about suicide that, even when done as an escape from an agonizing terminal illness, signals complete and utter defeat. It is without any semblance of nobility or pride. Life can become too heavy a burden to bear, but the release that suicide offers is not a triumph of life, the ultimate mastery of self over fate, but a grim renunciation of hope and a failure of the human spirit.” This California woman wrote, “No matter how bad the pain is, it’s never so bad that suicide is the only answer . . . suicide doesn’t end pain. It only lays it on the broken shoulders of the survivors.” And she ends her story. “By the way: to all the doctors, nurses and psychiatrists who forced me to live when I didn’t want to—thank you for keeping breath in my lungs and my heart beating and encouraging hope in me when I didn’t have any hope.”

If we are made in God’s image, do we have the human right to destroy our own bodies? Every day we commit little acts of suicide in the manner in which we care for those bodies, but these are not the overt acts of taking our own lives.

A Broadway and London hit play, “Whose Life Is It Anyway?” treated suicide and mercy killing in a sympathetic manner.

This issue is a struggle against “the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil” described in Ephesians 6:12. Little by little, the sanctity of life is being eroded. Will survival of the fittest be our elitist philosophy? I pray not!

 

Questions to Ask

 

In his poignant book, which he called Mother’s Song, John Sherrill relates the decision he had to make concerning the life and death of his mother. When her death seemed imminent and he could not bear to see her suffer, he asked the doctor, “What would happen if we asked for those I Vs to come out?”

Sherrill said he tensed for what he expected as an outraged reaction from the doctor. Instead, the doctor gave him some yardsticks to consider. With the prayerful agreement of the entire family and the concurrence of the doctor, he eventually asked to have his mother’s lifeprolonging measures removed. He summed up some important questions to ask ourselves now, while we are healthy and alert. This is what he listed:

1.If doctors are able to help an elderly person through a health crisis, what does he return to? Will it be to a life of reason and tolerable health, or will it be to new breakdown and deterioration and pain?

2.What does the person himself want? Has he expressed a desire to live just as long as possible, no matter what the means? Or does he want to be allowed to die without using the extraordinary aids that are available to us today?

3.What is the person’s attitude now? Our feelings may change as death approaches. Even if we are unable to speak there are innumerable ways to communicate . . .

4.What is the attitude of the family?

5.What is God’s timing? We found that His signature is beauty, even in the midst of pain and sorrow. In Mother’s passing we encountered example after example (coincidences, kindnesses, unusual provisions). They were His encouragements, we believe now, that we had correctly interpreted the signs of His time. Is death the end? This is the question, of course, that affects all the others. Facing death is entirely different for someone who believes that there is an afterlife. Yes, we need to know the right questions to ask, for we live on borrowed time, and we want to use our inheritance as wisely as we can. Since God has given us sound minds, we must exercise them while they are able to function. This is not morbid, this is one of the greatest challenges we may ever face.

When death comes

will it come quietly

one might say creep—

as after a hard

and tiring day, one lies

and longs for sleep—

ending age and sorrow

or youth and pain?

Who dies in Christ

has all to gain

and a Tomorrow!

Why weep?

Death may be savage.

We cannot be sure:

the godly may be slaughtered,

evil men endure;

however death may strike,

or whom,

who knows the risen Lord

knows, too, the empty tomb.

Ruth Bell Graham

 

CHAPTER 7

LIFE AND DEATH CHOICES

 

“Most of us have a subliminal desire to leave this world with some degree of dignity . . . quick, quiet, easy. But life doesn’t follow the pattern we have so clumsily designed. . . . Death has many faces and voices.”

 

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

James 1:5